Libs pick Nathan Cleary for by-election

FEDERAL POLITICS:

National Rugby League star Nathan Cleary is the Liberal Party’s pick to contest the federal seat of Eden-Monaro following the resignation yesterday of sitting Labor member Mike Kelly due to ill-health.

Announcing Cleary’s selection at a joint media conference early this morning at Parliament House, Prime Minister Scott Morrison lauded the Penrith Panthers halfback as “probably the most naturally gifted potential politician I’ve ever encountered”.

“Nathan has showcased his ability to lie so easily and with such conviction and clearly with absolutely no remorse over recent days that it’s clear he will go far as a vital backbench member of my Liberal/National Party government moving forward.”

Mr Morrison said he had been attending an Horizon Church happy-clapathon in his own federal electorate of Cook on Wednesday night when his mobile phone lit up with numerous messages from fellow Cabinet ministers lauding Cleary’s natural mendacity.

One who texted a number of times was Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton, who wrote: “You’ve simply got to watch the footage of when Cleary is challenged by the media over his earlier lie that some girls had turned up unexpectedly at his house and a photo was taken of them draped all over him without his knowledge and he made them leave as quickly as he could.

“He doesn’t even blink or hesitate when new video footage is produced, showing him dancing and cavorting with all these girls and playing up to the camera while he’s doing it.

“Mate, check it out. He’s fucking brilliant. He just repeats that what he had said earlier about the photo was true enough at the time.

“It’s breathtakingly audacious and so totally illogical it takes your breath away.

“I think this lad could teach Angus Taylor a thing or two. Even yourself, sir.”

At today’s media call, the rugby league star impressed seasonal political scribes with a short speech laced with humility yet with the hints of the youthful political ambition one would expect from an unabashed and unashamed teller of untruths.smoko and nathan - net

“I’m just grateful that coach Morrison sees that potential in me for fitting right in to the culture of the club and has given me the chance to try out for the Eden-Monaro team.

“If things go well, naturally I’d love to play out what remains of the LNP season.

“And as for a long-term future in politics? I’d be being less than honest with you if I said that didn’t interest me.”

Ending the media call, Mr Morrison gave his young recruit a pat on the back, saying: “Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves now, young fella.

“My Cabinet is full of the finest fibtellers of a generation – natural born liars each and every one of them – and you’re just going to have to bide your time, okay?”