China plans to lure tourists

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BEIJING: China will launch a major global promotional campaign to attract tourists and rebuild its image in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic.

A slick advertising campaign starring Chinese leader Xi Jinping and Foreign Minister Wang Li (main picture) will be screened around the world in coming weeks as the nation gradually emerges from lockdown.

The campaign is based on the highly successful Paul Hogan ads screened in the 1980s by the Australian Tourism Commission and will feature the two leaders urging people to visit their nation and promising to “throw another pangolin on the barbie” for them if they do.

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BRISBANE: A Brisbane man has succeeded in having charges against him dropped for allegedly breaching social distancing rules during the current coronavirus lockdown.

The 27-year-old man, whose name was suppressed by the magistrate hearing his case, was charged by Queensland Police on Tuesday night after they observed him leaving his house to have sex with a woman in the neighbouring dwelling.

However, in court the man pleaded that his contact with the woman was within the lockdown guidelines because although he had entered her, he had never left his own property to enter hers and had observed strict social distancing requirements.

After closing the court for several minutes the magistrate dismissed the charges by announcing that man did indeed have a penis in excess of 1.5m in length.

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WASHINGTON: A new potential running mate has emerged overnight for the Democratic Party’s presumptive presidential candidate Joe Biden.1black hillary

The previously unknown Hosanna Clinton (pictured) announced she was willing and available to run on Mr Biden’s ticket.

“As an African American woman I’d be proud to serve as Vice-President in a Biden administration no matter how short his tenure in the White House may be according to actuarial projections,” Ms Clinton declared.