Rumours that hardware and garden supplies giant Bunnings and other major retailers might be forced to join the coronvirus shutdown have seen seen sales soar of one product in particular – the George Pell Freed chuck bucket (pictured above).
“The aisle that contains our range of George Pell Freed chuck buckets now looks like the dunny-roll aisle at Woolies and Coles,” a Bunnings spoksperson told The Bug.
“This has proved a boon to our store as sales of the buckets had declined of recent times with no clear date as to when the High Court will hand down its decision on Pell’s appeal against his conviction for historic child sex offences.
“We had a spike when one of the learned judges went in hard against the prosecution’s presentation at that appeal but demand then flattened out.
“They’ve been holding off and waiting for news of when the verdict might be handed down but news that Bunnings might be closed down has prompted an immediate response in what can only be described as panic buying.”
The spokesman explained that the renewed customer interest in the buckets had not been sparked, however, by any suggestion that the highest court in the land might not free Pell.
“Everyone knows the law favours the rich and the privileged – always has – so Pell’s acquittal is taken as read.
“Our customers tell us that their desire to buy the product is only in preparation for the vomiting that’s going to be induced as the likes of Andrew Bolt and Gerard Henderson pile onto their high horses and the sanctimonious ‘we told you so’ hypocrisy they are going to display in defending a paedophile protector who by his own words was not particularly interested in the fact that his priests and religious brothers were up to their nuts in young kiddies’ guts.
“Much of this vomiting is going to be projectile in nature and many of our customers are buying multiple buckets, often one for each room.”
The spokesperson said Bunnings was busy restocking shelves and all models of the George Pell Freed chuck buckets, including both galvanised tin and plastic models, should be available in a range of colours by mid morning “provided, of course, the government allows us to remain open”.