Lady Downer’s fresh tilt at politics

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Countess Lady Georgina Downer is making an audacious fresh bid to enter federal politics – and she clearly has a sitting Liberal MP in Melbourne in her sights.

The Bug can confirm rumours that Lady Downer (above), formerly of Pout House in the Adelaide Hills, has sought and received permission from the federal government to attend Centrelink offices and officially hand out the $750 cash payments to aged pensioners and various welfare recipients that the government has approved as part of its stimulus package to stave off recession.

And the area she is focusing on? The metropolitan Melbourne seat of Chisholm, won by less than 0.6% by Gladys Liu for the Liberals in the 2019 election.

Ms Downer recently moved to her “home town” of Melbourne after deciding at the last minute not to contest the casual Senate vacancy in South Australia following the resignation of Cory Bernardi.

The Bug recently broke the news that the one-off $750 payments, part of the federal government’s response to the Coronavirus pandemic, will be paid only in specially printed notes (pictured) and only in person at Centrelink offices to avoid the cash being spent unwisely.CRISIS CASH

This paper understands Ms Downer is not exactly sure when the handouts are to start so she and the Downer family’s principal photographer have been observed over recent days practicising the cash handovers inside various Centrelink offices across the seat of Chisholm.

Ms Downer did not deny rumours that the money would be handed over in a large deep-blue carry bag emblazoned with a large colour photograph of herself and the Liberal Party logo and that her planned spiel included telling recipients “please accept this amazing level of largesse courtesy of me and the Liberal Party of Australia.”

“Does anyone seriously doubt that this recession-avoiding money is only available because of the superior economic management skills of the Liberal Party?” she sniffed.

“That’s why it has been perfectly reasonable to have the Liberal Party logo on the special currency being printed.”

Ms Downer said the next election would be a very difficult one for the LNP to win and “we need candidates of the highest possible standard – and breeding”.

“We’ll be asking the people of Australian to trust us with a fourth straight term and we simply can’t afford to have a single chink in our overall re-election strategy.”