The marriage of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle is over.
That’s right. Another fairytale princess romance that countless young girls worldwide have dreamed of emulating has ended, as they often do, in tears and bitter recriminations.
Buckingham Palace has admitted that the sensational news was not meant to break just yet, but they had not counted on my persistence in following and piecing together the information I have gleaned from working my sources inside the royal household.
The palace’s public position has been that Her Non-Royal Non-Highness, the Duchess of Sussex, and her husband would return to Canada and their new independent life after performing their last official royal duty at this week’s Commonwealth Day church service in London.
But one young courtier whom I regularly pump accidentally let slip the fact that it had been his duty to buy a one-way ticket for Meghan to return from Canada to England in just a few weeks.
And I now know why. Once she arrives back in England she will resume her duties as a princess with the Royal Family. And, as the young courtier told me there are also some squalid rumours circulating in the palace that, if proved true, will see the Duchess resume a relationship with a certain much-older member of the Royal Family.
I shall not divulge the identity of that person, let me just say that Prince Andrew and the Duchess of York are technically not married, although they do share a roof with their two charming and fashionable children.
Nevertheless, while the Duchess of Sussex will resume her duties and place in the royal spotlight, her heartbroken husband will stay in Canada and fulfill a role as a general governess, helping raise the children of well-to-do families on the country’s west coast, possibly on picturesque Vancouver Island. At least that would pander to his well-known penchant for cross-dressing.
In his spare time, he will continue his charity work as his way of honouring the memory of his mother, the Princess Diana, although I understand even that modest ambition is unlikely to be fufilled as poor Harry has discovered that there are very few minefields in Canada.
Nevertheless, my very reliable royal sources insist these remarkable scenarios over the months ahead are spot on and will be played out exactly as I’ve predicted here.
They say that Meghan, as a washed-up US television star, has realised that her only real chance of ongoing celebrity in the world limelight is to foresake her husband and the full-time care of her child and rejoin The Firm no matter how much she hates their “privileged, pompous guts” as she once described them to one of her servants shortly before sacking them for not stirring her coffee correctly.
And my sources tell me that the now Mr Harry Windsor, the poor sausage, will need some time out of the limelight to reflect on the way things have panned out for the sixth in line to the British throne, once a much-loved royal but who is now so, very, very common in so many ways.
My understanding is that the former royal couple, once very much in love, are determined to remain good friends and will share custody of her son, Archie.