Speech comes up trumps

AMERICAN POLITICSExperts in political speech analysis at Harvard University have released shock findings after examining the transcript and video of US President Donald Trump’s recent news conference outlining how his government is handling the coronavirus crisis.

Professor Rhett Orrick, head of Harvard’s  Oratory Analysis Unit within the university’s School of Politics, said his team had begun analysing the remarks after numerous reports lambasted the President for his allegedly rambling and meaningless comments on such a critically important issue.

“We uncovered astounding facts about the President’s remarks that turn that view on its head,” Professor Orrick said.

“For example, we found that the words the President uttered actually had nothing to do with the coronavirus, and contained no actual solid information about the virus or the battle to contain the pandemic.

“His remarks turn out to consist entirely of verbatim quotes from entirely unrelated secondary sources, but spoken in precise reverse order.

“So while he sounded like he was speaking gibberish, once we transcribed his remarks and read them in reverse we discovered he had been quoting large slabs of dialogue from the classic Clint Eastwood movie Dirty Harry and random lines Bruce Willis uttered in his five Die Hard films.

“The strange thing is that he spoke the words of the quoted dialogue in reverse order and he had total recall of the exact dialogue.

“Oh, incidentally, the President also spoke large sections of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s dialogue from Total Recall too.

“Oddly, there was also dialogue — again flawlessly recalled by Mr Trump in reverse order — from the 1950s TV western series The Cisco Kid.

“As independent academics we have never seen such a phenomena, and we have to give the President full marks for his method and verbal dexterity.

“After all, he did conduct his news conference entirely without notes or prompts of any kind.

“I’m actually in awe of how he pulled this off and may actually vote for him come November, even though I’ve always been a Democrat. I’ve come to realise the guy’s a genius,” Professor Orrick said.