Latest grants scandal the worst yet


Given the recent family murder in Brisbane that shocked a nation, the latest Commonwealth grants scandal will be the hardest for the Morrison government to explain away if, indeed, survive.

An exclusive Bug investigation has found that almost 91 per cent of the Morrison government’s $200 million Urgently Needed Women’s Shelters in Metropolitan Areas Initiative rolled out just before the last federal election went to the construction of men’s sheds in marginal regional and rural Coalition seats or other seats the government had targeted as must-win.

The Bug can reveal that some of the sheds had already been built, making those sheds technically ineligible for the large wads of cash handed out on the eve of the 18 May 2019 poll.

The Bug has seen a copy of the government’s strategy to defend what on first appearance appears to be an indefensible abuse of public money to pork-barrel at-risk LNP seats.

The strategy includes arguments that the grant handouts were all above board because:

  1. All successful applications had been eligible for funding because they had applied;
  2. Men’s sheds by their very nature and objective were designed to make men happier and less likely to commit domestic violence; and
  3. The historic migratory nature of Australia’s population meant many of those happier men were more than likely to turn up in Australia’s large coastal cities where they would prove to be much nicer husbands.

The strategy says that if all these arguments fail to impress the non-NewsCorp Australia media, it should be revealed that former minister Bridget McKenzie was responsible for the scheme and as such will have to stay sidelined for an extra few months and that:

Prime Minister Scott Morrison should respond with a satisfied smirk and a quick “the local LNP candidate won anyway” line and;

All ministers should stress that Labor’s debt and deficit disaster was at the absolute core of the problem and only through the sound, sensible, measured and unpanicked economic stewardship of the LNP,  the only side of politics that can manage economies well, the task of reining in that Labor debt and deficit disaster and seeing a return to domestic bliss around the nation had begun in earnest and should take only two or three more terms in government to resolve.