Bridget digs a fresh hole for herself


Embattled Morrison government minister Bridget McKenzie has offered to personally pay for and plant a tree at every sports club that missed out on the $100 million Sports Australia grant funding rounds.

“I’m determined to make sure every sports-loving girl across this nation can have something to change behind to protect her modesty and keep her free from the prying eyes of perverts,” the senator said in Canberra this morning (pictured above).

Senator McKenzie is refusing ongoing calls to resign following her role as then Sports Minister and her handling of Sports Australia grants that favoured Coalition electorates before last year’s federal poll.

And her tree-buying offer follows the latest revelations in The Guardian Australia that the Coalition rejected at least 12 grants from clubs seeking funding for girls’ changing rooms.

One of the rejected bids – for the Cherry Gardens Ironbank Recreation Ground to build female-friendly change rooms – scored 94 out of 100, one of the highest scores in the nation, the online paper reported.

“And that’s exactly what my generous tree planting offer is aimed at,” Senator McKenzie explained.

“It’s a sensible and timely way of protecting from unwanted attention the young cherries of our nation’s sports-loving girls while at the same time helping to green and protect Australia from climate chance (sic).

“The nursery near where I live in … well, that’s not important right now….recommended a fast-growing Australian native such as this Pittosporum tenuifolims.

“It’s a bit tougher than lilly pillys and needs little maintenance.

“I’ll also happily buy a large number of Photinia Robusta, a large-leaved type that will give sports girls plenty of coverage and spare their blushes before and after games.

“Both species are also renowned for their ability to survive and thrive in trout (sic) affected areas.”