Animals bite back

LEGAL AFFAIRS:

A group of animals representing others of their breeds usually farmed for food production is planning to sue vegan food makers for misrepresentation.

In Brisbane today, a lamb, a prawn and a chicken held a news conference at the offices of the law firm acting for them (main picture) to announce a class action seeking unspecified compensation and an end to alleged mislabelling of vegan products.

“We are launching this class action on behalf of all our friends and relatives who have given their lives so fat bastards like you can eat and get the protein that keeps you alive, the chicken told reporters.

“Just take a look at supermarket shelves or fridges and you will see a widening range of vegan food products passing themselves off as one of us.

“Even if you call them bizarre made-up names like ‘chickenee nuggets’ or ‘chick’n burgers’ you’re actually not fooling anyone. It’s got to stop.”

The lamb said animals were growing increasingly unhappy with efforts to have vegan foods passed off as “the real thing”.

“Look, I don’t care if people want to be vegans. That’s their choice,” the lamb said.

“But don’t pretend you’re eating meat when all you’re consuming is some heavily flavoured concoction designed to fool your mind into thinking it’s not totally plant based.

“Not only are consumers animal foodbeing ripped off, but I’m not going to stand by and have my reputation sullied by second-rate products pretending to be me.”

An agitated prawn said animals had run out of patience.

“I for one am sick and tired of seeing packets of ‘prawns’ on supermarket shelves that are just bits of bleached bean curd, moulded and painted with a few orange stripes to make it look like me,” it said.

“I’m not going to put up with it any more and I’m going to sue the arse of those responsible.

“Yeah, that’s right, I’m looking at you tofu!”