Anxiety levels plummet on PM’s return


Australians are now only half as anxious as they were before Prime Minister Scott Morrison touched down at Sydney Airport on Saturday night, a major survey has found.

“You can almost sense the national sigh of relief on the PM’s return to Australian soil,” said Professor Cyril Saunders of the University of NSW’s sociology department which conducted the phone survey late yesterday.

“The department has been monitoring anxiety levels among the general population for some months and it had sat at a very high 73 per cent on the International Stress Scale for the entire duration of the Morrison family holiday in  Hawaii,” Professor Saunders said.

“Stress and anxiety at that level can be deadly.

“Once word got out that the PM’s flight had touched down around 7.30pm on Saturday at Mascot, those levels plummeted and sat at around 33 per cent for most of Sunday. It’s not ideal but people can live with that.

anxiety graphic - net.jpg

“I think Australians just felt reassured that Mr Morrison was back in charge,” Professor Saunders said. “They simply wanted their national leader home even if they knew he could not hold a hose or be in charge of a fire control centre.

“They found a certain peace of mind as Mr Morrison was at pains to explain at media interviews during Sunday that nothing had changed since he and his family jetted off to Hawaii more than a week ago.

“Everything was under control, the firies had every resource they needed, the government was leading the world in battling climate change and although Mr Morrison still wasn’t quite sure why as a devoted Christian husband and father he and wife Jenny had to break their little girls’ hearts and he had to come home early from a short and totally deserved Christmas  break after a demanding year but still, he and Jen appreciated people were anxious and if coming home helped them overcome that then that’s what he and Jen decided it was best for him to do seeing he’s happily taken on the role of a nation’s leader and both he and Jen know the enormous responsibility that position entails and why he was happy, as Jen was too, for him to be here standing by their side.

“But overall, it was Mr Morrison’s declaration of business as usual that the respondents to our survey clearly wanted to hear.

“And the results clearly show that.

“Anxiety can be a killer and Mr Morrison has done the country a huge service by selflessly cutting short by some hours his Hawaiian holiday and making Australians feel much better about himself.”