Scott Morrison’s detractors – once again, hang your egg-smeared faces in shame!
The Bug can reveal that Scott Morrison has not been holidaying in Hawaii as they’ve all been relentlessly at pains to claim and try to shame but has been in fact learning to connect more with the Australian people through intensive psychological training at a costly US brain institute.
In a new world exclusive, The Bug tracked down our PM to the $25,000 a day Ted Bundy Empathy Enhancement Institute in Texas where, in the words of a Prime Minister’s Office source who asked not to be named or quoted, “Mr Morrison wants to make himself an even better Australian statesman if that’s at all possible”.
And the reason for this latest world scoop? The Bug has steadfastly refused to believe mainstream media scuttlebutt and Twitter and Facebook nonsense that Mr Morrison as both a devoted Christian and natural leader would even think of taking a holiday when Australia, and particularly his home state of NSW, were ablaze and people’s lives and properties were at risk.
The Bug understands the intensive eight-day course in the US is designed to make Mr Morrison a more caring and considerate person and world political leader. And he is reportedly doing very well, despite hourly interruptions to get updates on the Australian fires from Acting Prime Minister Michael McCormack and many hours spent sending mental thoughts and prayers to all those affected by the fires.
The PMO source said: “The PM enrolled for the US course after watching his wife Jenny tearing up over TV coverage of New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern hugging that first responder after the White Island volcano disaster and saying to her ‘don’t tell me you actually like that left-wing bitch? You know she’s hardly made any money in her life, certainly not enough to have her teeth fixed.’
“It’s then that Mr Morrison realised that when he hugged that smelly old coot up at the Taree fireground a little earlier his only concern was whether the cameras were capturing the moment. This is all off the record, right?
“He knew the silly old fire victim hadn’t made much of his life and that made him quite concerned. Concerned that Australians might detect his total indifference to anyone who hasn’t honoured the good Lord Jesus by ruthlessly crushing anyone in their path on their way to making a decent quid.
“That could spell electoral disaster and that made Mr Morrison very concerned indeed.
“It’s then that Mr Morrison realised he needed help in pretending to show empathy.”
The Bug understands Mr Morrison is making good progress at the institute and at the very least has stopped laughing when shown footage of kittens being drowned in a bucket and homeless people starving to death on the streets because they refused to honour Jesus by embracing Pentecostalism’s prosperity doctrine.
The institute’s top trainers and facilitators are now trying to bring Mr Morrison’s constant smirk under control. They keep stressing upon him that smirk could mean electoral disaster next time round if Clive Palmer doesn’t cough up another $60 million campaign ad spend.
And The Bug understands that although Mr Morrison is sharing the course with some of America’s most dangerous sociopaths and psychopaths on special prison-release, they haven’t minded at all.
The PMO’s office was at pains to explain that no taxpayer money was being used for the PM’s treatment course at the Ted Bundy Empathy Enhancement Institute.
“The PM was lucky enough through his friendship with Pastor Brian Houston from the Hillsong Mega Church in Sydney to take out one of the church’s Jesus to The Rescue Short-term Loans packages at very competitive industry-standard rates,” the PMO source said off the record.