Scott Morrison’s detractors all have their faces smeared with egg today – yes, again! – as The Bug reveals in yet another world exclusive that the PM is not holidaying in Hawaii but is in fact recovering in a New York hospital after major surgery.
The Bug tracked down the PM to a recovery ward at an Assemblies of God private hospital in southern Manhattan where he is reportedly doing well after surgery for chronic happyclappyitis, a lifestyle-threatening condition described in some medical texts as being “a mixture of carpal tunnel syndrome and repetitive strain injury (RSI)”.
And the reason for this world scoop? The Bug has steadfastly refused to believe mainstream media scuttlebutt and Twitter and Facebook nonsense that Mr Morrison as both a devoted Christian and natural leader would even think of taking a holiday when Australia, and particularly his home state of NSW, were ablaze and people’s lives and properties were at risk.
The Bug has learned that Mr Morrison desperately wanted to be at the firefront with all the volunteer firies who wanted to be there but with major world meetings due early in the New Year, the PM reluctantly realised that getting his own health in order was a top priority. At the same time, he didn’t want Australians to be unnecessarily alarmed over his condition as they enjoyed their Christmas break.
Hence the rushed and secret trip to New York, where the hospital he is recovering in is a world leader in research into, and the treatment of, both acute and chronic happyclappyitis.
The Bug understands all of Mr Morrison’s fingers and thumbs were heavily infected with happyclappyitis after years of enthusiastic worship as a devoted Christian at his mentor Pastor Brian Houston’s Hillsong Mega-Money-Making Church in Sydney.
In fact, Pastor Houston accompanied Mr Morrison to New York for the surgery at the aptly named Healing Hands of Jesus Private Hospital, Resort and Spa only a stone’s throw away from Hillsong Church’s new Manhattan conference centre and Jesus Saves Air B&B.
The group had travelled to the United States via Honolulu, which is why The Bug suspects more gullible and less well resourced media suspected the Morrisons were holidaying there.
But the group only had a short, unscheduled stopover in Hawaii after the aircraft cabin pressure on the flight from Sydney had made the pain in Mr Morrison’s hands unbearable.
The Prime Minister was not ready to talk to The Bug as he recovered in his New York private hospital suite but Pastor Houston agreed to a telephone chat to update us on the PM’s condition on a condition of his own – that we not ask whether the PM had invited him on the trip.
“Cama cara tara nostra anna manna coocha catchy cama tosa nosa nessa dorma camma wacky brown,” Pastor Houston said.
“Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.
“Um mau mau mau mau Um mau mau mau mau Um mau mau mau mau, I am the real thing,” he added.