30 YEARS OF THE BUG/FROM THE ARCHIVES:
Our 2007 pisstake of The Australian
The Bug’s only-truly-roolly-ever broadsheet edition hit the streets on the eve of the 2007 federal election.
And it was The Bug‘s pisstake as to what The Australian and every other of Rupe’s rotten rags has been before then and remains to this day: risible right-wing rags that eschew the interests and needs of average Australians and pander only to the wicked demands of a flaccid-arsed, ethically bereft, money-hungry, increasingly senile octogenarian New York cunt.
Oh, and when we say “broadsheet” it was our usual tabloid format turned on its side as The Bug Australian, and sensibly named the “Rupert wants Howard edition”.
As you can see from the main image at top, The Bug Australian tried its very best to bring a shuddering halt to the lip-licking blond wonder from Queensland’s push for The Lodge, with a scandalous exclusive revealing Kevin “I’m from Queensland and I’m really only a younger John Howard but just as conservative” Rudd’s sordid sex life in Canberra!
The scoop was about a former lover happy to spill the beans on the wannabe PM from sleepy Eumundi on the Sunshine Coast.
The woman, 49 at the time our exclusive story was published, told the tale of her intimate encounter with the future PM after the two of them had attended their Nambour State High School year 12 formal and took advantage of her parents’ absence from her Eumundi family home.
“Kevin and I didn’t go to the formal together or anything,” she told The Bug. “In fact neither of us had a date that night, but we just sort of clicked as the evening went on.
“We both lived in Eumundi so I asked him if he’d like to walk me home after the formal, and he agreed.”
The woman said “things began looking up” when they arrived at her parents’ house.
“My oldies were away so I took Kevin straight to the bedroom where he checked out my bookcase and picked up a few of the Harold Robbins paperbacks I favoured at the time,” she said. “He asked if I had anything by a bloke called Hans Ard, but l said l didn’t.
“Kevin then examined all the band posters on my wall and I asked him who he admired most. I remember his answer word for word. He said: ‘Dietrich Bonhoefer, the German theologian, pastor and peace activist is without doubt, the man I admire most in the history of the 20th century.’
“He then asked me who was my pick and I said Suzi Quatro.”
In our 2007 story the woman said at the time of their high school encounter, she confessed to the young Kevin Rudd that she sought a career in music.
“…. I knew he knew I played guitar in the school band and was keen on starting an all-girl band to play in local pubs.
“I told him all that and went further, explaining my dream of starting a string of all-female bands in every town in the nation.
“This was years before I heard of franchising, but I explained to Kevin my concept of creating what I described as a broad band network right across Australia.
“Then I asked him what his ambition was, and it was then that I now realise he was telling me he wanted to be prime minister.
“He didn’t say it in so many words, but I do remember him saying he wanted the head job.
“Our discussion must have sparked something in him because at that point he looked deeply into my eyes and said in a really sexy voice: I’m from Queensland and I’m here to hump.”
Unfortunately the consummation of their mutual desires that night was less than the woman had dreamed it might be.
“It was all over in seconds. I’ve had some dud roots in my time but he was the duddest of them all,” she said.
Tomorrow: The Bug‘s very first issue, The Corruption Issue, way back in 1989 and just before another cataclysmic election outcome that changed Australia for never.