LONDON: Stung by mainstream media accusations that he is the dumbest member of a not-very-bright royal family, Prince Andrew has issued a statement saying he’s willing to undertake a public QI test.
WASHINGTON: There’s been a break in tradition at the White House this Thanksgiving, with not two but three turkeys pardoned and spared from millions of dinner tables around the United States.
Bread, Butter and Donald J. Trump (above) will all see out the rest of their natural lives on a children’s petting farm in nearby Virginia.
LONDON: Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been unable to explain the photo he tweeted of himself in boxing regalia in the midst of the hectic UK election campaign.
A spokesperson for Mr Johnson denied the picture was a copycat response to a tweet by US President Donald Trump portraying himself as the Rocky character created by Sylvester Stallone.
Mr Johnson could not explain his actions in posing for and tweeting the photo.
When asked why the PM had no explanation, a Downing Street spokesperson responded: “Despite claiming to be a unique communicator with massive cut-through in his messaging, in reality he can’t explain anything, why the hell should this picture be any different.”
ALABAMA, USA: One of the poorest citizens in the entire United States has announced she will not be running for president at the elections in November next year.
Mabel Hutchenson, 42, an African American single mother of two living in a trailer community just outside Birmingham, said in a prepared statement that “regrettably, this is not my time to make a run”.
“Besides I simply do not have the time or the money to do any campaign justice. It just makes sense for me to say no this time round.”
CANBERRA: Government Services Minister, Stuart Robert, says the robot-debt program which replaced the controversial robo-debt scheme following numerous complaints of wrongful demands for repayments, is itself being overhauled.
“A few months we replaced our robo-debt program with the robot-debt scheme that has seen Centrelink robots (pictured) personally visit welfare recipients across Australia and physically reclaim overpayments,” Mr Robert said.
“But even the new scheme, we admit, demands some fine-tuning. So from today all of our Centrelink robots have been programmed to knock before entering a client’s premises, and the range of fund- retrieval actions they can undertake autonomously has been scaled back to exclude physical assault.
“Our robots will also carry personalised letters for each welfare recipient that ask them in the nicest possible terms not to sue the government individually or through a class action.
“We feel the adjustments to the program will address all concerns that have been expressed in the past,” Mr Robert said.