Mass arrests at Nine


The entire promotions department at Channel 9 has been arrested.

Heavily educated officers from the NSW police department’s elite hyperbole squad raided the station’s Sydney studios yesterday afternoon and detained all five men and women.

The police moved in after the station screened promotional material for Hamish Blake and Andy Lee’s “Perfect” Holiday series that claimed the Sunday night show would “have all of Australia in stitches”.

“It’s probably the worst case of hyperbole we’ve ever seen,” a police spokesperson said. “And that’s no exaggeration.”

If convicted, the publicists face individual fines of up to $32,000,000 and/or jail terms of up to 145 years.

A Nine spokesman told The Bug: “We’re still the One” before also being detained by the hyperbole squad.

“All women around Australia will be swooning away into moist-pantied faints when Karl Stefanovic rejoins the Today show early next year,” he shouted as he was handcuffed and carted off.