All Labor Party members of Federal Parliament and their staff were this morning still partying in the corridors of Parliament House after an all-day celebration of its best-ever front-page coverage by News Corp Australia newspapers around the nation (main picture).
A barely coherent member of Labor leader Anthony Albanese’s staff said the party started yesterday morning after the opposition office’s media monitoring feed arrived.
“We couldn’t believe our eyes,” the staffer slurred.
“We were all stunned at the front pages. For the first time any of us could remember there wasn’t a single anti-Labor story, headline, photo, line, or word to be seen across all News Corp’s major dailies.
“Many of our MPs thought it was a practical joke we in Albo’s office were playing on them.
“Our Queensland MPs were especially confused. One even went as far as trying to scratch off what they thought might be some sort of sticker we’d applied to the front page of The Courier-Mail.
“They were convinced when they held the page up to the light that they could make out Renee Viellaris’s by-line on one of her regular ‘exclusive’ front page ‘write-offs’ of the LNP’s major attack line for the day.
“But as soon as they realised it wasn’t there, they started popping champagne corks and started talking as if the party may have turned the corner with News Corp.
“Of course that’ll change when they see today’s papers which we’ve withheld from all of our MPs until they sober up.
“That might take a few days. Most of them, including Albo are still off their tits,” the staffer said.
“Albo’s so full of rumbos and coke the silly bastard thinks he’s in with a real chance come the next election.”