McKenzie survives revolting colleagues

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Agriculture Minister Bridget McKenzie has survived an angry party room dressing down – but only because she’s too stupid to realise they were being highly critical of her.

Absent on Senate estimates duties, Ms McKenzie later on got an aide to text all 19 Senators and House of Reps members who were present at the Nationals meeting yesterday morning, declaring: “Heard you spent a lot of time talking about me this morning. Thanks for your support. Very much appreciated.”

One senior party adviser who asked not to be named said her response was a perfect example of the problems the minister faced: “How’s that for being vain or lacking a brain?

“She’s got to be the dumbest person in our party – and that’s saying something when the entire room this morning probably had a combined IQ of about 800.

“Bridget makes Michael [party leader Michael McCormack] look like an over-qualified candidate for Mensa membership.”

Another told The Bug: “Bridget’s low IQ means she has trouble multi-skilling … you know, doing things like breathing in and out and walking at the same time.

“It’s why there’s no use trying to contact her. She never gets back to you, probably because she doesn’t know how to.”

Another had a much blunter assessment: “Bridget couldn’t organise a root in a brothel with $2000 in her pocket.”

Senator McKenzie was elected as deputy leader in 2017 and took over the agriculture portfolio from David Littleproud in May this year, although Mr Littleproud still oversees water theft and and the government’s drought-extension policies.

Some of the Senator’s gaffes that brought on yesterday’s party-room criticism include:

At a recent meeting in Dalby, Queensland, alongside PM Scott Morrison, she gushed how proud she was to be standing “near the very spot that Captain James Cook called into to replenish supplies during his 1066 voyage of discovery to the New World”.

Unilaterally adopted as party policy a suggestion from One Nation leader Pauline Hanson that Australia could double its annual milk production output by milking cows for twice as long.

Told farmers in central NSW that if they had only built more dams on their properties, those dams would be “filled to the brim” now.

At a field day in South Australia, told farmers it made good sense to switch to crops that did not need water; and

Wondered aloud at a graingrowers’ meeting in Western Australia why any primary producer would want to walk off their properties when it would be much more comfortable driving off them in their property vehicles “especially if it’s as hot as it is here today”.

STOP PRESS: Ms McKenzie is expected to clear out her ministerial desk in Canberra later this morning after former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce overnight gave her his “full and unconditional support in a difficult and challenging portfolio”.