Our PM just a little tongue-tired


The Bug’s go-to language expert has come to the rescue of just about everyone in Australia unable to make any sense whatsoever of Scott Morrison’s address to the Lowy Institute last night – she says the PM was simply talking in tongues.

Associate professor of languages at Western Sydney University Valmae Interpret said the confusion probably arose because Mr Morrison rarely spoke in tongues for an entire speech or address or #QT answer but had done so at the Sydney Town hall gathering of some of Australia’s brightest minds and former PM John Howard.

“I was at first confused about what he was saying,” Miss Interpret told The Bug. “I originally thought he was talking Yiddish jibberish but after a few sentences I cottoned on to the fact that he was in deep Pentecostal, Horizon Church, Hillsong talking-in-tongues mode.”

For the benefit of anyone in Australia still keen to find out what Mr Morrison was actually saying to the Lowy Institute foreign affairs right-wing think tank event, Miss Interpret has offered these translations.

Morrison: “We should avoid any reflex towards a negative globalism that coercively seeks to impose a mandate from an often ill-defined borderless global community.

Translation: “How dare the United Nations criticise us for locking up a family on Christmas Island at a cost of several hundred millions of dollars.”

Morrison: “And worse still, an unaccountable internationalist bureaucracy.”

Translation: “How dare the United Nations or any of its internal bodies criticise our border protection policies that let people rot away in offshore gulags to deter future smuggling efforts to bring criminals to our shores.”

Morrison: “But it also does not serve our national interests when international institutions demand conformity rather than independent co-operation on global issues.”

Translation: “Australia is doing more than its fair share to combat global warming and anyone who says we’re not reaching our Paris targets is telling you fake news.”

Morrison: “The world works best when the character and distinctiveness of independent nations is preserved within a framework of mutual respect. This includes respecting electoral mandates of their constituencies.”

Translation: “I won the unwinnable election and although I described it as a ‘miracle’ it was really brought about through my charisma and unsurpassed marketing skills and anyone who things otherwise can go to hell, and I mean that literally.”

Morrison: “Pragmatic international engagement, based on the co-operation of sovereign nation states, is being challenged by a new variant of globalism that seeks to elevate global institutions above the authority of nation states to direct national policies.”

Translation: “The Tory conference in Manchester has got it spot on. More and more countries need to develop heartless policies to avoid being overrun by Muzzies and other undesirables.”

Morrison: “We will decide our interests and the circumstances in which we seek to pursue them.”

Translation: “If this worked for the Lying Rodent, I should be able to take it around the block a few more times too.”

But Miss Interpret admitted the algorithm she has created to translate Morrison tongue-talking into understandable English had let her down over some of Mr Morrison’s comments. These included:

“Australia does and must always seek to have a responsible and participative international agency in addressing global issues. This is positive and practical globalism. Our interests are not served by isolationism and protectionism.”

And his warning about….

“…an era of insiders and outsiders, in which elite opinion and attitudes have often become disconnected from the mainstream of their societies.”

Miss Interpret said: “Mr Morrison could have been click-tongueing in Kalahari bushmen’s lingo for all those sentences meant to me or anyone else.”

She also said she was at a loss to understand why Mr Morrison did not choose to confront the UN directly when making a speech at its New York headquarters only a matter of days ago during his US visit (main picture).

“Perhaps when he looked out on the sea of seat-warmers and junior UN staffers sent to make the hall look fuller than it really was he may have thought twice about their ability to translate his words,” she suggested.







” said the Prime Minister.

He described it as “

“Australia does and must always seek to have a responsible and participative international agency in addressing global issues. This is positive and practical globalism. Our interests are not served by isolationism and protectionism,” he said.