His Lordship stands by his denial


Lord Downer has rejected claims that he has changed his story about the meeting he previously claimed to have had with the former Donald Trump campaign aide who provided information that sparked the Meuller inquiry into the President’s 2016 campaign activities.

Speaking in the library of his residence, Pout House in the Adelaide Hills, His Lordship told media representatives that during his time as Australia’s High Commissioner in London he had never met George Papadopoulos.

Lord Downer entered the room on the arms of two strapping young shirtless underfootmen whose torsos glistened even indoors from a mixture of exotic oils His Lordship told those present he had spent the past few hours applying himself.

Clearing his throat and pursing his lips several times, Lord Downer began by denying recent reports quoting Mr Papadopoulos who has claimed he was deliberately “playing” His Lordship by planting false information at their meeting in a London bar in May 2016.

“This is utter nonsense,” he said. “This rotter is saying I was somehow involved in events that led to the President of the United States being subjected to the indignity of a totally unnecessary investigation.

“What sort of ruffian is he to suggest such a thing. After all, I am a gentleman of high standing and of pure British stock.

“I am descended from noblemen and I would never stoop to engage in social intercourse with someone to whom I had not been formally introduced, and certainly not someone who has six vowels in their family name.

“I draw the line at three, possibly four. But certainly no more.”

When His Lordship paused, a reporter posed a question reminding him that he had previously proclaimed that he had met Mr Papadopoulos in May 2016 in a London bar where the then Trump aide confided that the Russians had a “dirt file” on Democratic Party candidate Hillary Clinton. Lord Downer had passed the information on to Foreign Affairs Department authorities in Canberra who then passed it on to US intelligence officials.

“Shhhh,” Lord Downer responded sharply. “This is a library and I shall brook no loud interjections by jackanapes who seek to doubt my word.”

Lord Downer emitted a short sharp squeal when the reporter produced hard copies of stories supporting the substance of the question and asked why he was changing his story.

His Lordship denied the charge, then closed his eyes and appeared to grow unsteady on his feet as if about to fall into a dead faint.

He slightly opened one eye apparently to ascertain the position of the underfootmen, and subtlety edged toward them before collapsing into their arms to be carried out of the library for what he hoped would be many, many, minutes of frantic mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.