Anna, resigned to her fate, exits right


Queensland politics has been thrown into chaos with the sudden resignation from Parliament of Premier Anna Palaszczuk overnight.

A tearful Premier has told the media pack outside Parliament House in George Street this morning that she had been “confronted by her demons” overnight and “could no longer stand a bar of what she has sadly become”.

The only Australian female political leader to be re-elected, Ms Palaszczuk – known affectionately by colleagues and staff as ‘the Polish Princess’ – told media she made her decision to quit politics completely after an horrific apparition had appeared in her mirror as she brushed out her hair before bedtime last night (at top).

“My face slowly morphed into that of Bronwyn Bishop,who nodded slowly and said over and over again: ‘You’re one of us now’.

“I think the scream I let out woke up people in the next suburb,” Ms Palaszczuk managed to joke between sobs.

The outgoing Premier said she first sensed she was confronting a fundamental change in her views – “a change-of-life, of sorts” – after she “got conned” by that Courier-Mail front-page story depicting disaster for her government if the federal results on May 18 were repeated in Queensland state seats.

“It was a dreadful piece of illogical horseshit with no other intention but to panic Labor, if you’ll pardon the French, but I fell for it.

“And  of course once you show Murdoch you’re either afraid of him, believe his power or both, you’re fucked, if you’ll once again pardon the French.

“Since then, I’ve embrace coal and introduced laws to stop people protesting over all sorts of things which, as every one knows, is a very un-Labor like thing to do.

“I think the straw that broke the camel’s back was when I said yesterday that schoolkids shouldn’t take strike action in school time. I mean, how fucking conservative is that, if you’ll once again pardon the francais risque.

“Who did I think I was? Scott Morrison, Michael McCormack and Mathias Cormann all rolled into one?

“It was when I was in front of the mirror and muttering “what on earth have you turned into, pretty Polish princess?” that Bishop’s face appeared before me.

“I knew immediately it was time to give the game away.”

While political observers believe the Labor government under expected new Premier Jackie Trad could hold on until she loses her own seat at next year’s fixed-election date, Opposition Leader Deb Flecklington today called on the government to resign and face the people.

“The people of Queensland know at the very least that with the LNP they get what they see – a dreadfully awful bunch of far-right-wing fucking Tories, if you’ll excuse the French,” she said. “We’re never two-faced.”

Late update: In keeping with her predecessor Anna Bligh, Ms Palaszczuk is rumoured to be taking up a highly paid senior PR position with Adani’s Carmichael Mine in the Galilee Basin in central Queensland. She’ll also do piecemeal PR consultancy work with Gina Rinehart in Western Australia.