Punters can bet on Jones


Gold Lotto plans to launch a new gambling product allowing Australians to win a projected multi-million-dollar jackpot if they pick the correct date, time and year on which shock-jock Alan Jones is sacked by radio station 2GB.

“We are always looking for new products to put into the market, and we think the Alan Jones-themed Parrot Lotto game will quickly find a following,” a Gold Lotto spokesperson said.

“It’s so easy to play. Punters simply pick the date, time and year when they believe Alan Jones will be sacked by 2GB for repeating the type of offensive remarks he made last week about New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern.

“While he did apologise and say he didn’t mean to suggest Ms Ardern should be subjected to physical violence, his radio network’s management did say Jones would be sacked if he made such a mistake again.

“That’s when we saw an opening for a new game with widespread appeal.”

The Gold Lotto spokesperson said a trial of the new game suggested most Australians would buy tickets in the new game.

“They will be able to buy as many tickets at $5 each for as many dates and times as they like, with the money bet on each date and time being pooled for sharing among winners.

“Say, for example, you believe Jones can curb his tongue for just a little while, and he won’t be sacked until 2.35pm on January 22 next year, your Parrot Lotto entry would be 22-01-14.35-2020.

“The trial showed the game was popular but we will need to do some fine tuning before its official launch.

“The problem is that while the trial revealed punters are unquestionably keen to see Jones sacked, a disproportionate amount of bets were not laid against any particular day but were placed against the ‘Yeah Right’ option we also offered — as in, ‘yeah, right, like he’ll actually be sacked’.

“It’s a bit of a conundrum for a gambling company like ours to offer such an option which we may never need to pay out on. So we are yet to work out the legalities of that. We might make that option a sort of Power to the Parrot Ball for an extra $5.

“Regardless, once we’re up and running, we believe the prize pool will be huge.

“Even if we started today and, say, Jones gets sacked at 10.20am this Friday – which by the way was a popular choice in our trials – and the winning Parrot Lotto entry is 23-08-10.20-2019, we believe the prize pool even for such a very early payout would be worth potentially tens of millions of dollars, even if it’s shared,” the spokesperson said.

“But please, don’t forget to always gamble irresponsibly otherwise there’s no way companies like ours would ever get to turn a profit”.