New app on the dating scene

RELIGION:

A Brisbane woman is hoping planned new laws protecting religious freedoms will finally allow her newly developed app for mobile devices to be sold in the already crowded on-line dating market.

Marj Frump (main picture) said Australian regulatory authorities had so far banned her Hinder app from being sold or even given away for free.

Mrs Frump said her Hinder app would be a counter to the numerous high-profile dating services now available such as the popular Tinder app that was often used for casual sexual “hook-ups”.

hindrphone“As a deeply religious and committed conservative, I see nothing but the Devil’s work in apps like Tinder and others which enable people, and young people especially, to quickly and freely engage their base carnal desires,” Mrs Frump said.

“My Hinder app uses a unique algorithm that can piggy-back on other dating apps like Tinder,” she explained.

“It allows a Hinder user to insert themselves in any exchanges between people using Tinder within a 5km radius.

The app searches for phrases such as “I wouldn’t mind giving you one”, “I’m wetter than Tully in monsoon season”, “I’m stiffer than Steve Smith’s neck” and “I’m hornier than an adolescent rhino” and slots the Hinder holder straight into such sordid sex talk.

“They will be able to tell both parties that they should refrain from ‘hooking up’ if that meant they would be engaging in sexual relations outside the sacred bounds of a consecrated marriage,” Mrs Frump explained.

“And by that I mean a real marriage between a man and woman, not between two men, two women, or a man or woman and another mammal.

“Hopefully my Hinder app will prevent many if not all of the many instances of sexual intercourse that are now occurring purely to satisfy the desires of one or both parties involved and to deliver them pleasure.

“It will also thankfully put an end to dating, which in itself is a complete abhorrence and totally against  the order of nature.

“I know from my own experience with my dearly departed Eric that when it comes to sexual behaviour in a truly Christian partnership, pleasure has nothing to do with it.

“I believe any new laws protecting religious freedoms must ensure that people of faith like me who are living a pure and dedicated Christian life can continue to freely exercise our right to tell others how to live their lives.

“It has been the God-given right of Christians for millennia to interfere in the lives of others, especially their sex lives, and that should never change,” Mrs Frump said.