Charles shattered over Queen’s makeover

ROYAL COURT:

LONDON: Prince Charles is said to be inconsolable after hearing news that his mother, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, has undergone “certain medical procedures” that will extend her reign for possibly another four decades.aroyal corres dinkus

My sources within the ancient walls of Balmoral Castle tell me that Prince Charles, 70, shouted angrily at some of his favourite plants “Oh, Mumsie, oh Mumsie, how could One do that to One’s own son?” when he realised he would be dead from old age before he could achieve his lifelong aim of being King of England.

I’m reliably told that Britain’s much loved monarch, 93, underwent the procedures several weeks ago. They’ve proved successful and the Queen now expects to reign, until at least 2049, over what is left of Great Britain by then.

The 12-hour operation included transplants of all vital organs – heart, liver, lungs, kidneys – her entire ageing intestinal system and anal sphincter.

The Queen was heard to mutter just before she was put under: “One must do what One has to do when One has a son like One has.

“Imagine what One would have been forced to go through if Price Andrew had been One’s first born.”

Even so, Her Majesty was reluctant to proceed until a close adviser said: “Mam, just imagine another 40 years of life without Prince Philip by your side and the Queen replied simply: “Let’s get this done!”

My Court spies tell me the donor in all cases was a young lass employed at Balmoral Castle only recently as third cutlery drawer maid in kitchen four.

I’m told she was tragically killed during a morning tea break on the castle’s grounds, struck down as she smoked on a stairway by a Land Rover being driven by the Queen’s husband Prince Philip who still enjoys getting behind the wheel every now and then although he’s quite rightly given up driving on public roads at 98. His age was also a factor in that decision.

The poor lass’s body was brought inside and by mere chance the Queen’s royal doctors were at Balmoral conducting their usual daily tests on the Queen’s morning and previous evening stool samples just to make sure her health was tikety-bo. Fortunately, the doctors included some of the country’s leading transplant surgeons far too good to be associated with the NHS.

It is understood the royal doctors only knew of the poor girl’s “compatibility” as a donor through the stringent security checks undertaken on all potential employees in all royal households.

The young woman’s organs have already had a startling effect on Her Majesty’s physical appearance, as can be seen from a recent official portrait (at top) released by Buckingham Palace.

The spies tell me Prince Charles was a shattered man when he heard of the Queen’s comments before she went under the royal knife.

The Prince apparently shouted at his four dressers to leave his main Balmoral Castle bedroom immediately and stormed through the castle’s ancient rooms shouting at portraits of his mother and the Queen Mother before pouring out his grief to some of his favourite geraniums and hydrangeas in a nearby courtyard.