Watching Folau’s fall with gay abandon

dgb dinkus NEW


While I’ve been a raging heterosexual all my life, I’ve sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a big hot cock rammed up my arse.

Now that I’ve got your attention, I want to talk briefly about Israel Folau.

Still there? Wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t for, dead set, isn’t Izzy, to use an appropriate phrase, an absolute pain in the arse himself?

I’m not even sure what religion this bible bashing bastard and ex-footballing fuckknuckle follows but I know one thing: his mumbo-jumbo medieval bullshit is hate speech for mine and has no place in 21stC Australian society. In polite, public Australian society at least.

Folau clearly spends a lot of his time thinking about the very idea of two consenting males engaging in a bit of Vegemite drilling and it must conjure up all sorts of images that make him sick to the very core of his righteous and honourable soul. He should be as thin as a rake with all that projectile vomiting as his good Lord above helps him void his body and his mind of such heinous, devilishly carnal visions.

Folau clearly believes that hell and eternal damnation await not just homosexuals but fornicators, thieves, atheists, and idolaters. I probably wouldn’t be so critical if Falou’s sinful shitlist included people who use the 12 items or less checkout at my local Coles when clearly they’ve got far, far more than a dozen separate items with them.

Folau’s absurd views have no place in polite society and are being strenuously opposed by real Christians who practise true love for all of their fellow citizens. For every Izzy a dickhead, izzy izzy? like Falou, there are countless of Christians who only want the very best for their fellow citizens.

Some other churches also preach the risible rubbish that the none-too-bright Falou has been attracted to, and it’s clear some of the more traditional sections of the Catholic Church also think a lot about what gays and lesbians get up and how wrong it is. That’s apart from the priesthood, of course.

Should the Folaus of this world and Catholic fundos be free to preach this nonsense in their largely empty little houses of worship as they follow their own particular god into extinction? I can’t see that doing much harm and it does keep them off the streets and hopefully the choirboys.

But when Folau uses his celebrity as a washed up Wallabies player of dubious ability – every magic moment deserves a basic schoolboy rugby mistake in return – to publicly disseminate this hateful assault on the LGBT members of our community – and that those attacks have been proven to lead to depression and suicide – well that’s all this columnist needs to know.

It’s hateful and it should be banned. Full stop. End of story.

After all, didn’t Australia vote 61.6 per cent to 38.4 per cent for same sex marriage?

Even now, if Folau were reading this, he’d probably be conjuring up – once more ‘cos he loves getting all hot and bothered over it – all sorts of images of what disgusting levels of degradation, what unChristian activity, takes place in those same-sex marital beds after the rice has been all swept up. Will some one get Folau a bucket, for fuck’s sake?

The SSM vote showed that a clear majority of Australians have no problem with gay sex – including many Christians who like to see their church pews at least partly filled up on a Sunday.

And my best guess is that they haven’t the foggiest of ideas what our Pentecostal prime minister Scott Morrison means when he says Australian needs new religious anti-discrimination laws to let the likes of Folau have their poisonous spray and to defend “basic Australian freedoms and values”.

For mine, using any means or carriage service to launch such a hurtful assault on a fair swag of our citizenry should be a criminal offence.

And is the talker-in-tongues, happy clapping, habitual liar from the shire also thinking his new laws need to protect church-run schools so they can discriminate against gay and lesbian teachers – and students, and parents?

Not that I have any idea why a Catholic, for example, would want to teach at a Catholic school that doesn’t want them there, a bit like why a gay couple would want to buy a wedding cake from a homophobic baker?

But, hey, jobs can be hard to come by and these teachers might, heaven forbid, have an overpowering desire to teach kids who are fellow Catholics  that it is possible to be kind, thoughtful, inclusive and decent citizens, so  I’ll put that teacher’s (or student’s) rights before adherence to medieval mumbo jumbo that has no place in a 21stC increasingly heathen/agnostic Australia.

I’m not a Christian’s bootlace but  as I might have mentioned before, I reckon the next turd I squeeze out, the next boogie I pick from a nostril, the little wad of ear wax I pluck out of an earhole, will have more Christianity to it than faux Christians such as Folau and the prosperity-at-all-costs-driven Happy Clapper have in their entire bodies.

Fuck so-called religious freedom, I say. Let’s have some rules that protect that silent Australian majority FROM religious nutters.

Make the public dissemination of the dangerous, hurtful, hell-and-brimfire crap that Folau and most probably Morrison spew forth, in English or in tongues, a criminal offence, punishable by hefty fines at first and then at least five years’ jail for serious re-offenders who have signed legal documents saying they wouldn’t do it any more.

At that the entire prison time should be spent with a cellmate who’s big, burly and hairy, has a “I love me Mum” tattoo on one bulging bicep and a rather strange smile on his face.

Don Gordon-Brown