Morrison’s poll hopes dashed

GEELONG: Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s hopes for re-election have been dealt a major blow with the news overnight that more than half of the attendees at Tuesday’s rally in the ultra-marginal seat of Corangamite to support embattled member Sarah Henderson and to denounce Labor’s ‘tax’ policies on retirees have since died of old age.

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MANILA, PHILIPPINES: Embattled Queensland MP George Christensen has released a terse and brief statement here that he hopes will appease voters in his electorate of Dawson over reports of possible travel rorts centred around the extraordinary amount of time he had spent in south-east Asia over recent years.

His one-sentence statement said: “Do you know how hard it is for a man as ugly and as fat as I am – and with a truly ugly mind to boot – to get a root?”

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Controversial northern beaches identity Captain Get-it-Up (pictured) appeared in Manly Local Court this morning charged with wilful exposure.captain getup.jpg

Police alleged that just after 8am, Captain Get-it-Up exposed himself to a number of Paddington Bear figures in the shopfront of a local toy and novelty shop.

He then allegedly tried to dry-root the image of a smiling young woman in an advertising poster in the Manly Corso for a local dental clinic offering a very reasonable teeth cleaning/whitening special.

He has been remanded on bail and Advance Australia has released a statement saying they fully support their man “over what are clearly trumped up and politically motivated charges”.