Exit polls tick white trash box


One Nation’s Mark Latham and former Democratic Liberals Senator David Leyonhjelm are bound for the NSW Legislative Council, if exit polls conducted by The Bug are any guide.

Teams of reporters from your favourite online news source spread out across the state to interview the good folk of the Premier State as they exited polling booths today.

The results will shock those seeking “a less tribal, less them and us” Australia in the wake of last week’s Christchurch massacres, including Prime Minister Scott Morrison who has spent his entire political life fighting far-white-wing, supremacist ideology.

The Bug has found controversial former federal Labor Party leader Mr Latham (pictured arriving at his local polling booth today) is set to attract tens of thousands of primary, below-the-line votes by close of ballot at 6pm.

Typical of supporters was Andy “Anthrax” Andeersen who voted at Billinudgel in the state’s far north coast: “I hate taxi drivers, I really fucking do.” A well-tattooed mate who did not want to be named was in full agreement: “Every one of the cunts should have both arms broken.”

The Bug‘s exit polls showed Leyonhjelm also on track to win an upper-house seat in his own right, even without the help of people who thought they were voting Liberal.

A big supporter of Leyonhjelm’s was Nigel “Nine Millimetre” Ferrargo who was still fuming when he walked out of a polling station at a hamlet near Nowra in the state’s south.

“The bastards made me unsling my modified AK-47 with the 32-round mag and unstrap both my shorn-off shotties I was swearing as sidearms before I was allowed inside.

“This is what we’re up against here, people,” he shouted as he stormed off.

“We’re losing our basic rights and freedoms here; we’re becoming a nation of pussies like that Aussie rules sheila,” he declared as he took out a few street lights to make his point.