‘TreasonaBILL’ Shorten to cost economy billions

POLITICS/CLIMATE CHANGE:

Bill Shorten’s reckless urging of high-school students to skip class and attend climate change rallies across Australia today will cost the national economy hundreds of billions of dollars over the next 50 years.

Federal Education Minister Angus Taylor made the claim at a hastily arranged media call at Parliament House in Canberra this morning.

“Every day of schooling is so, so vital to the futures of our next generation of workforce participants and, indeed our future leaders across not just business but all professional fields including science, medicine and the like,” Mr Taylor said,

He pointed to charts which he claimed showed losses in productivity over coming decades caused by “these misguided students having been led astray by “TreasonaBILL” Shorten’s reckless, treacherous and highly irresponsible call to radical anti-social protest action and the subsequent inability of those students to reach the potential they otherwise would have had.”

“And that’s just secondary school students being led astray today. How many primary school, indeed pre-school kiddies, are being sucked into this socialist vortex around Australia today?”

Mr Taylor was busy pointing at the decade of most loss – an estimated $58 billion in productivity decline in 2030-39 when these school children would have been at the peak of their earning and creative powers “if they had stayed in school today where they belonged” when a member of the Canberra press corp interrupted to Mr Taylor to tell him he was not the education minister.

“Yes, I am. I’m the E minister. Education. That’s the ‘E’ portfolio,” said Mr Taylor, who then noticed his media secretary shaking his head and added: “Stay put, everyone. I’ll be right back.”

Minutes later, Dan Tehan walked out to the lectern and continued with the media conference.

“Those bloody Es, hey? Education. Energy. So easy to mix up in the hurly-burly of modern politics, especially on the eve of such a crucial federal election where our country’s very future is on the line.  Next thing you’ll be telling us the Environment Minister is Melissa Price,” he joked.

“Now, where was Angus up to? Oh, yes, that’s right. TreasonaBILL! Now as you can see from these charts prepared overnight by someone’s ministry, these reckless and irresponsible attempts by Shorten, the Labor Party and its fellow travellers to indoctrinate impressionable young minds towards Marxist, Leninist, Trotskist and, heaven forbid, Greens theories need to be called out right here and right now.

“Shorten is a liar who simply does not deserve to ever be Prime Minister of this great country of ours.”

He then invited Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton – “even though he doesn’t have an ‘E’ in his title ” – to talk briefly for a half-hour about the 60,000 illegal refugees that Labor’s lax border protection laws under Ruff/Gillard/Rudd let through, including 1200 deaths at sea.

Other ministers began to line up behind Mr Dutton for their chance to talk down Labor and call Shorten a liar as many times as possible.

Dutifully, ABC radio microphones recorded it all, ABC cameras whirred and ABC TV Morning News presenter Joe O’Brien unclipped his microphone, left the ABC studios and sauntered down to a local cafe for a leisurely croissant with strawberry jam and a mug of flat white with two sugars.