Short of a quid? Morrie’s back!

With a portfolio of famous clients including Christopher and Pixie Skase, Morrie Bezzle is the financial guru to turn to  in these troubled economic times.

Dear Morrie

This is a bit outside the realm of financial advice, but I don’t know anyone else to ask. You see I’m concerned about recent news that global warming is getting worse.

Our current government doesn’t seem to have any plan to tackle climate change and it seems half of its MPs don’t believe it even exists.

Just what can be done? I don’t know what I can do to help stop them.

c/- Harbourside Mansion, Sydney

Dear Malcolm

I need to be my usual upfront self on this issue and make a few admissions, if not confessions. You see, for many years I didn’t believe in the potential for climate change and took every opportunity to try to discredit it and those who believe in it. But all that changed a few years ago when I watched on TV the big meeting in Paris that set the targets for emissions reductions.

Now, prior to that I thought the Paris Accord was the rope young Ms Hilton used to tie up her boyfriend in that video of hers that was doing the rounds on the internet a few years back. And prior to that I thought the Kyoto Protocol was a small Japanese sedan.

At that stage of my life I couldn’t see what was staring me in the face. I ignored all the warnings about climate change and refused to recognise the passion with which those who were fighting the good fight applied themselves to their cause. But watching the Paris gathering it hit me. There looking back at me from the TV screen was a massive convention centre room full of perhaps thousands of delegates flapping their jaws about climate change.

Outside in the streets of Paris there were thousands more hippies and bearded uni students including many blokes protesting for governments around the world to take steps to address their concerns. Bingo! Suddenly, in a split second, I realised if all those buggers believed in it, there must be a quid to be made from them. So ever since then I’ve been on the climate change bandwagon, and there’s no getting me off it.

Now it’s your chance to help. I’ve set up a special fund that will help fund projects around the world, once I’ve been around the world myself to see what they may be. Of course everyone knows that taking such action can mean intensive, lengthy, and expensive efforts. In other words, it costs a motza. So if you want to help, just send a donation — one or two Ks at the bare minimum — to my new fund and I’ll get things moving at my end. Send a cheque made out to Climate Action Starts Here and I’ll get things moving at my end.

Bugger it, to save your time and mine, just make it out to CASH.

I’ll be in touch.

Morrie Bezzle is chairman of Maldives Canal Estates Pty Ltd, general manager of Coral’s Confidential Anal Bleaching Service, and CEO of Carbon Footprint C-Level Shoe Risers Inc.