Trump denies knowledge of bombings

WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump has denied any knowledge of several overnight missile strikes in Europe and the UK which initial forensic tests suggest involved the use of US military weapons.

Mr Trump faced questions about the incidents at a news conference he called on the White House lawn (main picture) to attack producers of the James Bond film franchise who are currently holding auditions of shortlisted actors in London to fill the lead role of the latest instalment of the movie series. (below)

“I don’t know why these producers, these talentless people with no sense of who is a great star, turned me down for the lead role,” Mr Trump said.

“If anyone on Earth can portray an exceedingly tough, sexy, and hyper-masculine character in peak physical and mental condition, it’s me,” he whined petulantly while pouting like a spoilt schoolgirl and audibly filling his adult diaper.

His tirade was interrupted by questions about a missile strike on the London studio where the auditions of three actors are currently under way.

“I know nothing about that,” Mr Trump lied.

Mr Trump was also grilled about a missile strike on the Vatican post office in Rome.

The strike came not long after news broke that US-born Pope Leo XIV had exercised his right to vote in Tuesday’s mid-term congressional elections. (below)

The Vatican said the Pope had used a mail-in ballot to vote in elections in the Chicago electoral district where he remains enrolled.

“I know nothing about that,” Mr Trump lied about the Vatican strike.

He then went on to repeat his longstanding complaint about being overlooked for a Nobel Peace Prize.

“I’m the most peaceful President of the United States ever. Ever!” he lied again.

He was then asked if he had any intelligence about an overnight missile strike on the Nobel Committee’s offices in the Norwegian capital Oslo where meetings were being held to decide if First Lady Melania Trump would be given a special Peace Prize for her work brokering a deal for a regional truce between Russia and Ukraine to establish a humanitarian corridor for evacuating people from the war-torn Russian-occupied city of Oleshky. (below)

“No, I have no intelligence,” he lied while also inadvertently telling the truth.

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