Trump sets mid-term poll standards

FUTTBUCK OH: US President Donald Trump has released benchmarks the White House will apply to detect any vote tampering or cheating at next week’s congressional mid-term elections.

Speaking at a rally in Futtbuck, Ohio, the President said it was important to have uniform standards and rules to apply.

“We don’t want another election to be stolen,” he said during the third hour of a speech which he delivered naked and largely in incomprehensible grunts interspersed by a string of obscene jokes, observations about other men’s bodies and their bed flutes, blatantly racist remarks, and the traditional short bursts of dancing to the Village People’s YMCA song. (main picture)

He said the voting benchmarks would enable him to declare any individual electoral race null and void.

“If the vote in any Senate or House [of Representatives] race shows the Republican Party candidate with anything less than 50% plus one votes, clearly there has been cheating and it will be void,” he said.

“I will then use federal powers to declare the Republican candidate elected fair and square. This is the only way we can save our great democracy from being hijacked by the communists.”

President Trump said he was “pretty sure” he had the powers he had outlined.

“If not, I’m certain that John and his pals will okay anything I do,” he told the crowd, later explaining that “John and his pals” were US Supreme Court Chief Justice, John Roberts, and Trump supporters comprising the court’s majority.

Meanwhile, US Vice-President, JD Vance, has mounted what he describes as a “simple, irrefutable, forensic” case for voters in the state of Michigan to reject Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed as the Democratic Party’s senate candidate at next month’s mid-term elections. (below)

Speaking at a Make America Great Again (MAGA) rally in Detroit, Mr Vance said he would not be employing any campaign tactics based on scaring voters about Mr El-Sayed’s personal background and identity.

“As you all know, Mr El-Sayed is an epidemiologist, public health administrator, and academic,” Mr Vance said.

“Sure, he’s also a Muslim but I am not going to play up that aspect of his personal life.

“Instead I can present to you today a simple, irrefutable, forensic argument for all Michigan voters to reject him as a Senate candidate.

“He’s eating the dogs! He’s eating the cats!” Mr Vance said to wild applause and audience chants of “USA!, USA!, USA!”.

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