MOSCOW: Kremlin officials have confirmed that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, underwent lengthy surgery this week but is now resting comfortably in a Moscow hospital. (main picture)
The Kremlin did not explain what specific operation had been performed on Mr Putin but did say it had been undertaken by a team of experts specialising in the removal of large blockages embedded in the gastrointestinal tract as far from the rectum as the ascending colon.
A source at the hospital said soon after President Putin’s operation was completed US President Donald Trump’s special envoy Steve Witkoff was seen departing the hospital smeared in what appeared to be human faecal matter. (below)
***
WASHINGTON DC: The job of presidential press secretary left vacant by the resignation of Katie Zacharia after just five days in the job has been filled.
A White House spokesperson said President Donald Trump had decided to fill the position with two people who would share the job.
“The President is pleased to announce that Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale (below) will begin work immediately in the West Wing press office,” the spokesperson said.
“The President has chosen them because both are very familiar with the operations of the White House and the wider Trump administration and both come highly recommended by their current Moscow-based employer.”
The spokesperson said President Trump had also been pleased to take the advice of Mr Badenov and Ms Fatale to further reduce the size of the White House press pool by withdrawing accreditation from a range of media outlets.
“The press pool will from today consist solely of a handful of reporters, photographers, TV crews, and social media hack… I mean social media professionals from the Pravda newspaper,” the spokesperson said.
***
HOLLYWOOD: News that British actress Dame Judi Dench’s failing eyesight has forced her to give up film and stage work at age 91 has prompted another entertainment legend to make a similar announcement.
William Shatner, the 95-year-old Canadian-born star of the popular science fiction TV series Star Trek and a range of other television programs and films said his eyesight was also failing him.
“Because of that I have come to the conclusion that I must give up overacting,” he said.
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com
