The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.
A sporting flavour to this edition of Mediocre Bytes with a look at cricket commentary cockups over the second Australia-South Africa Test now under rain… sorry!… play.
Firstly, let’s look at the Fox Cricket/FOX Sports Australia online packaged coverage of day one at the St George’s Park ground in Gqeberha (formerly Port Elizabeth).
Let’s be frankly BUGsh here. The ball might have beaten the bat for the first time all day somewhere in South Africa but it certainly wasn’t at St George’s Park and we do wonder if the commentator responsible for the circled bit above maybe knows more about the histoy of vigaro than cricket.
The ball being bowled by Scott Boland came after a two-hour delay through rain and was delivered not long after the Test finally started. So maybe it would have been far more accurate for our commentator to say it was the first time the ball had swung in a handful of overs. Hint: it was bowled some time before Boland took his first wicket after 8.4 overs of play.
We could also take exception to the Fox graphic artist who penned the top piece about Boland “ripping through the top order…”
As fine a bowler as Boland is, he did not rip through the top order. In consecutive overs, he sent both openers back to the sheds. So, in future, that artist should stop auditioning to be the click-bait expert touting an episode of The Block, learn some of the basic language of the gentlemen’s and gentle women’s game and try being a journalist for a change.
And on that last point, let’s cross over to ABC News Breakfast this morning when a voiceover declared that Australia was in the box seat after the first two days of the Test.
“Fucking box seat,” said one of our older MB compilers who has always regretted not playing more Test cricket for Australia. Almost dropping the Bundaberg rum bottle he was sipping from on hearing that analysis, he added: “No Test cricket side has ever been in the box seat after two days play just about totally washed out and the first team to bat having stumbled its way to five down for 97.
“Whoever wrote that shit really needs a change in jobs. A damn-fine click-bait touter for the aforementioned The Block or any number of other unreality shows that infect free-to-air television awaits!
Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!
