NRL GRAND FINAL:
BRISBANE: A Brisbane-based impresario says he can fill the vacuum left by the Australian Rugby League Commission’s decision to abandon its traditional pre-match entertainment at Sunday’s NRL grand final in Sydney.
Vince Agarol said he had contacted commission chair, Peter V’landys, (below) and offered to perform an abbreviated version of his as-yet-unproduced four-hour rock opera, Poo Jogger: The Musical, which tells the story of the early morning jogger who terrorised suburban streets in 2018 by repeatedly dropping turds in household driveways.
“I have written the music and the lyrics for what should be a large ensemble cast with a full orchestra,” Mr Agarol said. “But I have also performed it many times in a truncated version as a one-man show when somebody has shown an interest in financing a full theatre run of the show. (below)
“I’m prepared to do that for the NRL at the grand final if Mr V’landys will pony up some cash.”
Mr V’landys has cancelled the expected pre-match entertainment, Australian singer Tones & I, arguing that the $1 million price tag for 11 minutes of music was too expensive and the money should be spent on developing young rugby league players.
Mr Agarol said he would fill the vacancy for half the $1 million price quoted.
“For half the price the NRL was going to pay I will even bring along the special Poomobile I have designed and built out of chicken wire and real faeces (main picture) as a tribute to the late Angry Anderson’s 1991 appearance at the NRL grand final,” he said holding back tears.
“If Mr V’landys gave me the gig I’ll be starting off belting out On Your Drive Again which always provokes just as much toe-tapping as the Willie Nelson favourite on which it’s based, On the Road Again.
“Then for a change of pace I’d sing a stirring love ballad called My Fart Will Go On which I wrote in homage to the theme song from the blockbuster movie Titanic.
“Then I’d shift to my tribute version of the Lerner and Lowe favourite On the Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady followed by a song of mine How Do You Solve a Problem Like Diarrhoea? based on Rodgers and Hammerstein’s How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? from The Sound of Music.
“Unfortunately right now I can’t offer to end my set with a big finale of Portaloo because it’s still subject to litigation between me and the Swedish super-group ABBA,” Mr Agarol explained.
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