AVIATION:

SYDNEY: Budget airline and Qantas subsidiary Jetstar says plans to charge passengers for the use of overhead luggage lockers is just the first in a range of new revenue measures planned to be rolled out in coming months.

Jetstar chief spokesperson, Joy Sticke, said the charge for cabin locker space would proceed despite some negative passenger feedback.

“Jetstar passengers are already accustomed to paying for extras, or at least what we call extras like wings and engines, so we see no reason to abandon the plan to charge for overhead lockers,” Ms Sticke said.

“In any case, we will be allowing passengers to stow small carry-on bags and children of a certain age for free under the seat in front of them.

“Which brings me to our new plan to charge passengers for seats on top of the price they pay for their tickets.

“We’ll be installing meters on each seat armrest (main picture) which will allow passengers to pay for extras such as use of the seat, use of its recline button, use of its seatbelt, and use of an oxygen mask in case of an emergency.

“Another meter complete with a turnstile device will be fitted to all emergency exits. But evacuation times will not be adversely affected since the meters will all be cashless with credit card or debit card swipe pads.

“Passengers who pay for their seat through the armrest meters will need to keep the devices fed in 15-minute blocks or else they will need to vacate their seat and stand for the remainder of their flight.

“We’re removing toilets and galleys so we can clear space at the rear of our planes and install ceiling straps that passengers can hang on to if they don’t pay for their seat.”

Ms Stick confirmed that the new revenue measures had been recommended by an independent outside aviation industry consultant.

“Jetstar has been pleased to use the services of noted airline expert and Irish dance champion, Joyce Alan,” Ms Stick said. (below)

“She has a myriad of ideas for new revenue streams and we’ll be rolling out even more in the months ahead such as installing payment meters for the cabin toilets, a new fee for hiring an inflatable vest in case a plane needs to ditch at sea – double if they don’t have a light and whistle to draw the attention of sharks, and extra charges for flights operated by trained and certified pilots,” she said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com