Barnaby Joyce suffers relapse

TAMWORTH: A hastily assembled therapy team has been recalled this morning after former National Party leader and deputy prime minister, Barnaby Joyce, suffered a relapse of a condition that saw him rushed to hospital from his rural NSW home last night.

The Bug understands an ambulance was called for Mr Joyce, now a leading figure in the far-right One Nation Party, by his wife, far-right columnist Vikki Campion, when she heard him cry for help and found him on the floor with his limbs wrapped awkwardly and tightly at various angles around his body.

“Vikki was shocked by what confronted her,” a friend familiar with events at the Joyce home said on condition of anonymity.

“It took her some time to assess what had happened since Barnaby was in no position to explain – quite literally.

“His arms and legs were all akimbo and his head was stuck up his arse, but not in the loveable larrikin way Australians usually see him.

“At first Vikki thought Barnaby might have fallen off something, but a quick check revealed there were no planter boxes in their lounge room.

“It wasn’t until after he was admitted to the Tamworth Hospital that things became a bit clearer.

“It took almost an hour for a hastily assembled team including an orthopaedic surgeon, an occupational therapist, a massage therapist from the local North Tamworth NRL Club, and two local Jenga enthusiasts to free Barnaby’s head from his arse. (main picture)

“Only then was he able to explain that he had become impossibly contorted while rehearsing lines for media interviews to defend Pauline Hanson’s recent racist outbursts during her podcast appearance in the UK with right-wing racist, convicted crim, and cop basher Tommy Robinson, plus her apparent pining for a return to the White Australia Policy, and her swanning around at an Italian high fashion show, and her seemingly obligatory fawning meeting with billionaire Gina Rinehart.

“He said he had given up and called for Vikki’s help after literally tying himself in knots trying to find a position on Ms Hanson’s behaviour that was remotely defensible and believable,” the anonymous Joyce friend said.

The Bug understands Mr Joyce had been resting comfortably in Tamworth Hospital after being untangled by the treatment team but sustained a sudden relapse and once again curled up into a tight ball when a journalist rang him seeking comments on previously unreported statements by One Nation Senator Malcolm Roberts.

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