Today I can report the sad news that a typographical error is being blamed for the mass deaths of former members of the Hi5 children’s music group.

Aussies of a certain age might recall that from the time the Hi5 band and its associated television show originated in Australia in 1999 until it was disbanded in 2019, a total of 22 men and women filled the group’s five lead roles. (below)

A very sombre mass funeral was held this morning at a suburban Sydney sports stadium for some of the cast and I am told that further services will follow for other deceased band members in other cities around Australia. (main picture)

I was contacted by a spokesperson for the federal government’s national bird flu task force who apologised for the mass deaths.

“It seems a couple of overeager -and, yes, older – field officers took a memo containing the typo to heart and hunted down the Hi5 members,” the spokesperson told me.

“While all 22 former Hi5 cast members were euthanised in a most humane manner, we recognise that such an assurance will not lessen the grief of their loved ones.

“We’re very, very sorry and the task force sends its condolences to their families and friends and we will have no hesitation in footing the bill for all 22 funerals,” the task force spokesperson graciously told me.

All in all this is a very tragic way for the careers and lives of these talented performers to end, but accidents do happen and given previous incidents such as the so-called “robodebt” scandal, I’m sure any federal inquiry will clear the task force of any blame very quickly.

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