The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.
It brings no joy whatsoever to the bitter, washed-up hacks who compile this column that it is now fairly clear to them, at least in rare sober moments, that Nine News Queensland is never, ever, going to learn to use words professionally and appropriately.
They all thought that a recent MB pisstake on the Nine Network’s main 6pm bulletin about a “frightening firebomb” story (link at bottom) was possibly the best example of Nine News Queensland using hyper-hyperbole to beat up to billyO the piece and might just be the final lesson it needed to stop writing shit more suitable to promos for the station’s mindless “reality” TV shows.
If you haven’t got time to read that link, we ripped into a yarn that described a torched vehicle as a “frightening firebomb” despite the fact (might be good for them to check the meaning of that word!) that if a firebomb did happen – doubtful – that firefighters were not there to see it! And how bad must their training have been if, when they got there, a vehicle on fire but clearly beyond any risk of a firebomb erupting into the air frightened them?
That sets the scene for Nine News Queensland’s latest effort on Monday night, when newsreader Joel Dry introduced a yarn with this: “Officers on the Gold Coast made a terrifying discover at the Helensvale train station; a 14-year old boy allegedly found carrying two knives during a routine wanding check.
As outlined above where MB refuses to believe firefighters would have been frightened by the sight of a four-wheel-drive vehicle on fire, and if boys and girls in blue who were terrified by the sight of a couple of bladed weapons being pulled out of a youth’s clothing or shoulder pack, they urgently need to go back for some basic cop school training.
The youth was not resisting, the knives were simply taken off him and if the police found that terrifying, let’s hope they never confront someone clearly hellbent on causing them harm.
Still, thank goodness that was the only example in that bulletin of over-the-top, nonsensical wording that has made our MB compilers wonder for a long time now whether any real journalists work at that newsroom. They’ll have to wait a while before ….No! Wait on!
Here’s Joe Dry at 6pm when he runs through the bulletin’s highlights: “The world condemns China’s show of aggression ….” about that Pacific Ocean test of a missile capable of carrying an atomic warhead.
The world, Nine News Queensland? Even China itself, with 1.47 billion people and that’s about 17 per cent of the world’s population? Russia, North Korea and Iran with some 265 millions souls, unless the 93 million in Iran are no longer with us seeing being blasted back to the stone age could prove fatal? Probably India too with it very unlikely that Narendra Modi who has been cosying up to Beijing lately would talk of a missile test as a “show of aggression”. India leads the entire world – not just some of it – with 1.47 citizens. Ooh, what about Arab countries such as Egypt (120 million)?
The bulletin did mention the NATO chief criticising the missile test, possibly with his daddy Donald Trump mainly in mind. Australia certainly condemned the test, as did Pacific Island nations who had something else to worry about than water lapping at their doors.
Maybe if Nine News Queensland was interested in using facts rather than the flowery, over-the-top, click-bait style rubbish that should be kept for those reality TV promotions, Joel Dry should have said “Part of the world” or “maybe half of the world”. Not as exciting though, is it?
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