OUR NATION’S FUTURE SECURED:

CANBERRA: A delighted Deputy Prime Minister and Defence Minister Richard Marles has given the big thumbs up to the United States’ latest offer of three Virginia submarines all of the same vintage.

“These subs are exactly the ones former PM Scott Morrison originally signed up for as part of the AUKUS deal and the ones the then Labor Opposition immediately supported to avoid being wedged over national insecurity and loss of sovereignty issues,” Marles said at a hastily arranged media call at Parliament House.

“Our new subs will be all exactly the same, meaning training and crewing issues will be greatly enhanced. These are not used clunkers or second-hand boats of low quality. They remain in-service to the America people, especially at weekends.

“Unfortunately, the US was unable to agree to reducing the $380 billion cost of these remarkable war machines as they will be need to be fitted with nuclear engines to give them the speed to get right up China’s arse and show those chinks what for.

“And if even these deadly and unique attack machines take until the late 2040s as our American allies are suggesting, I’d be shitting bricks were I Xi Jinping. Despite the grey-paint on the outside of these boats, they are all made of wood, which our Navy chiefs have been assured will be totally undetectable by state-of-the-art sonar and radar and the latest underwater war drones if they stay permanently under water which I’m told is quite possible.

The three submarines are pictured at top where they are currently stationed at the US Civil
War Naval Museum in Arlington, Virginia. A back-up fourth boat to be also provided for spare parts at the appropriate price has still to be lifted from under several metres of mud and silt at the bottom of the Potomac River.

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