…and not expected to survive as PM!

A cruel prank by Prime Ministerial Office staffers has left Anthony Albanese still dangerously ill in hospital, putting not just his political career but his ability to pay off his seaside mansion purchase at grave risk.

As the sub-head above states: he is not expected to survive …. his prime ministership.

The Bug understands it all began at breakfast time yesterday (Sunday) when PMO pranksters texted Albanese with the news that Opposition Leader Peter Dutton was about to hold a media conference where he would be announcing that Australia could no longer rely on the United States as a defence partner, and that “a government I lead will immediately cancel the AUKUS submarine deal, saving the close to $400 billion required to built this country’s urgently needed nuclear power plants”.

“We must never cede our sovereignty to someone as deranged and demented and self-serving as Donald Trump,” Dutton was expected to say, according to the prank text.

Albanese, who was enjoying smashed avocado on sour-dough toast with his fiancé at a cafe in his seat of Grayndler in Sydney’s inner-west, jumped to his feet, almost strangling Toto (below right) whose lead he was still holding, and emitted a long and pitiful scream of “Noooooo!”before falling unconscious with what doctors later described as perhaps the worse case of acute shock they’d ever encountered.

A registered nurse with decades of experience at the Edward Gough Memorial Hospital in Rozelle told The Bug: “Observing the PM like that is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen,” the nurse who asked not to be named said. “It broke my heart.

“In rare moments of consciousness, he just mutters over and over again: “How could Dutton have done this to me. He’s even a bigger right-wing cunt then I am!”

“This means that when the election comes, I’m well and truly fucked. I kept taking the punt that the fucking stupid AUKUS sub deal that Scommo roped us into would eventually sink without trace anyway.

“I should have known that cunt would do or say anything to get elected!

“And who’s going to give me a salary to pay off the enormous loan we’ve taken out on our new beachside shack.”

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