OLYMPIC GAMES:
Organisers of this year’s Paris Olympic Games say they have “reluctantly” decided to drop the previously announced mascot for the event, Pierre the Surly Croissant. (main picture)
“A recent review we commissioned showed that Pierre has, unfortunately, a carbon footprint that is simply too big,” a spokesperson for the Paris Olympics Organising Committee said.
“We promised that the 2024 Games would be as close to carbon-neutral as possible.
“We did the sums when we first launched Pierre as our mascot a few years ago, but public expectations of a truly ‘green’ Games have changed.
“We did the calculations again recently and came to the conclusion that the energy inputs for making and baking a croissant the size of Pierre simply cannot be offset.
“When Pierre was still on the drawing board we went to great lengths to ensure he was as carbon-neutral as possible.
“We also made sure he projected the correct image for the Games, so we amended his original design in several ways.
“That included dropping the idea of having Pierre permanently puffing on an unfiltered Gitanes cigarette and openly expectoraing.
“To minimise his carbon footprint we also concluded that it would be necessary for Pierre to walk everywhere rather than travel in a custom-built Citroen 2CV as first planned.”
The spokesperson said the Paris Organising Committee would now revisit a number of other mascot ideas that had originally been considered but rejected prior to Pierre being selected.
These included Bertrand the Beret; Gaston the Garlic Clove; Stephane the Snail; and a possible pair of mascots Gabrielle and Serge the Garlic Snails.
When approached at the Organising Committee’s offices, Pierre refused to comment.
“You can all – how you say? – fuck off,” he told reporters.
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