SYDNEY: Labor Party identity and candidate tragic Simon Earle is recovering well in hospital in The Shire after spraining an ankle in a “ridiculously silly fall” at his Carinbah home.

Mr Earle (above) tripped over a garden house as he rushed to his garage to grab his “Simon Earle for Cook” campaign corflutes upon hearing the news that the current Member for Cook, Scott Morrison, was tipped to resign from federal parliament at or before its May Budget sitting.

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MELBOURNE: A devastated Lady Georgina Downer has quit her job as CEO at the Robert Menzies Institute and will leave Victoria “in search of greener pastures”.

“Last Saturday’s Aston by-election has made it clear there no longer exists a safe Liberal seat in this state through which I can fulfil my dream of continuing the proud Downer tradition of service to this great nation my family forged,” Lady Downer (pictured below, right) said at Tullamarine Airport, clutching her ticket to Brisbane.

“Daddy [Lord Alexander Downer of Pout House in the Adelaide hills, pictured below left] believes, and I concur, that the LNP in Queensland is the party’s last bastion, at least at a federal level and I believe once I arrive there and party officials know that, moves will begin immediately to find me a safe federal seat.

“I believe Michelle Laundry (sic), member for Capricornucopia (sic) and Warren Inch (sic), member for Leichhard (sic) are just two sitting LNP members who will instinctively know what’s the right thing to do”.

“Once I am elected, whoever is leading the LNP federally as Opposition Leader would have my full and complete support at that point in time.”