God unfazed by Senate move


HEAVEN: God has intervened in the row over suggestions that the Lord’s Prayer should no longer feature in the opening of sittings of the Australian Senate.

New president of the Senate, Labor’s Sue Lines, has put forward the idea of no longer using the prayer in recognition of the diversity of faith among senators as well as the presence of non-believers.  

Speaking at a celestial news conference to the very few non-heathen members of the federal media gallery – and certainly nobody from the bastion of lefty humantistic secular wokeness, the ABC – God (main picture) said she was relaxed about the plans floated by Senator Lines to change standing orders for the running of the chamber which would need to be approved by the Senate as a whole.

“I must admit I haven’t paid a lot of attention to what Senator Lines has been saying,” God said. “My focus has been on the Manly Sea Eagles and the shitstorm those few intolerant homophobic loonies have stirred up in my name over that fucking one-off pride jersey.

“Those fundamentalist fuckwits never consulted with me. The first I found out about the pride jersey was when I was reading all the millions of prayers I got yesterday, especially from a Manly fan upset about how badly a minority of the club’s players were trashing the club’s reputation.

“But don’t worry. I got square last night. I mean, did you notice the 20/10 scoreline against the Sydney Rooters,” God said with a wink before being corrected on the pronunciation of the winning team at Brookvale Oval.

“But back to the Senate, I’m not worried in the slightest if they ditch the Lord’s Prayer,” she said.

“I mean these days what does it mean anyway? Those hypocritical me-botherers can say it and say it until they are blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that once they get down to business they starting flinging shit at each other and any sense of Christian ideals goes out the window.

“For my sake take a look at the US Congress. It’s the same but worse  – full of the so-called religious right taking my name in vain every waking moment to justify doing things I would never approve.

“So, no, I don’t give a flying fuck if they say the Lord’s Prayer or not.”

Before closing the news conference to deal with an unspecified natural disaster she was about to cause in a region she refused to identify, God was asked if she had received any communications on the Senate prayer proposal from Scott Morrison as a former prime minister and noted Pentecostal Christian who has often spoken of his personal religious relationship and dialogue with her.

“Who?” was all she said.