I’m no racist: Aunty Pauline

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Aunty Pauline, proud national leader of the white indigenous One Nation peoples, has broken down while rejecting widespread claims that she is racist.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body,” Aunty Pauline sobbed as she spoke exclusively to The Bug on a chilly Capital Hill this morning.

“My comments that I made as I left the Senate chamber yesterday morning (pictured above) have been taken completely out of context.”

“I ate a dodgy mullet and small chips the night before and got the runs almost straight away.

“To be perfectly honest, I was looking forward to the welcome to country all Australians proudly own together along with the darki….. the First Nations people as I have done so in the past but then the urgent need to go to the loo hit me.

“All I shouted was ‘I’ve never done an Engadine and I never will!'”

Aunty Pauline said she was also offended by reports that she was “tipped over the edge” because of a motion that would see the Aboriginal flag displayed in the upper house.

“That’s absolute rubbish,” she said, using that wavering voice she bungs on to give the impression she’s just a country lass out of her depth against hostile forces and with the fractured syntax and bizarre, illogical, thought processes that have made her a much-loved figure among her Sunshine State support base who are even dumber than she is, hard as that may be to believe.

“I wasn’t concerned about any such motion because I had my own motion to worry about!

“Besides, I’m perfectly okay with the darki…. the aboriginal flag being flown in the Senate, as long as the white indigenous One Nation people’s flag depicting the agricultural wealth of the Lockyer Valley was suitably placed beside or in front if it.”

Aunty Pauline said her fish and chip food poisoning incident was a perfect example of the adage that “you should never buy seafood further from the ocean than 100 kilometres which of course includes Ipswich”.

Aunty Pauline said that while there was not a racist bone in her entire body, she said it also made completely no sense for her to even come across as a racist which she isn’t.

“I’m 68 and the good people of Queensland have just reelected me to the Senate for another six years. This surely must be my last term coming down to this Canberra shithole so why would I even want to try shoring up their ongoing support by pretending to be a horrible, ignorant, redneck racist which I most surely am not?”

Aunty Pauline then posted her comments to The Bug on her Facebook page, using #allsenateexitdoorsmatter