2032 mascot race starts

BRISBANE: News that the Brisbane-based producers of the globally popular animated TV series Bluey have sought to design a mascot for the 2032 Brisbane Olympic Games (pictured) has prompted other contenders to enter the race.

Former Queensland premier Peter Beattie, who headed the state’s 2018 Commonwealth Games efforts, is among those who have already submitted their own idea for a mascot.

“I’ve personally designed what I think is a very charming entry which delivers all the necessary ingredients people look for in a mascot for the Olympics,” Mr Beattie told reporters at his daily news conference outside his home where he usually makes himself available to declare that he has “no comment” on matters of current community interest.

Dressed in his proposed mascot costume (main picture) Mr Beattie said: “I’ve based my entry on a colourful and noisy Aussie galah and named it Peter the Loudmouth Media Slut which I think is a name that will stand out in any field of contenders.”

Mr Beattie said he was prepared to don the mascot suit himself before and during the Brisbane Olympics.

“I’m just a simple country boy at heart but I think I have a role to play in the 2032 Games, especially since I heard that there will probably be hundreds if not thousands of media representatives from around the world in Brisbane for the event.

“When I heard that I immediately made the decision to wear the mascot suit myself but also to resist the traditional idea that mascots don’t speak.

“If I get the gig you can bet I’ll be talking my head off – just like a real Aussie galah,” Mr Beattie said before breaking into one of his trademark mile-wide grins and cackling loudly.


LONDON: The host of the latest televised debate between the two Conservative Party MPs vying to be the UK’s next prime minister has spoken publicly about her fainting episode that caused the TalkTV program to be abandoned.

Journalist Kate McCann who was standing between Tory leadership rivals Liz Truss and Rishi Sunak said she had been listening intently to both MPs speak and had attempted to pose relevant questions to both of them.

“But after a while I thought that both of them were just talking shit,” Ms McCann said.

“I couldn’t stand it a moment longer so I pretended to faint just to get out of that studio. I mean, did you hear them both? Can you blame me?”


CANBERRA: The Albanese Government says it is committed to lifting the standards of behaviour in Federal Parliament.

A senior cabinet minister who spoke on condition of anonymity said Australians would notice a real difference in the way the Federal Parliament operated under new Prime Minister Anthony Albanese as MPs got down to business today.

“Albo has issued a directive for all of us on the government side of the House to behave ourselves,” the minister said.

“Voters will see that we won’t be giving in to the temptation of behaving in the cheap and nasty way that the Libs and Nats did in the last parliament.

“They will especially notice that under Labor the parliament will not be a platform for the launching of very ugly personal attacks that we saw under the leadership of that happy-clapping clueless empty-headed coal-hugging hypocritical politically corrupt and do-nothing shithead Scott Morrison and village idiots like that bloated red-faced gibbering booze-fuelled root-rat baboon Barnaby Joyce.”