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CANCER – June 21 – July 22

After reading a few weeks back about plans by Woolworths and Coles to freeze prices on some grocery and fresh food items to help customers battle the rising cost of living (pictured at top) you wonder why a small tray of fresh Tassie salmon you regularly buy at Woolies has risen from $8 to $10 since you last bought it about a week ago.

LEO – July 23 – August 22

To satisfy yourself that you aren’t rushing to make harsh judgments about Woolies and its pricing policies, you check the product’s list of ingredients to make sure the tray contains no lettuce.

VIRGO – August 23 – September 22

But as you throw the item into your trolley you reluctantly do make a harsh judgment about Woolies and its pricing policies by pondering how a 5.1% inflation rate over a year might possibly fuel a 25% price rise over a fortnight.

.LIBRA – September 23 – October 22

At the very least, you do consider the possibility you might be making an absolute fool of yourself because you have no idea of the input costs of the various colourings, flavourings and other additives needed to make that tray of farmed salmon look, smell and taste like it does, let alone the fillet of salmon placed on it.

SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21

You suspect it might be true when you hear that not only is Scott Morrison going to stay in federal politics as the member for Cook, he’s begged Opposition Leader Peter Dutton to find a shadow ministry for him so he can spend less time with his family.

SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21

You hear on the grapevine that Fair Trading NSW has fined The Australian Financial Review‘s Phillip Coorey $2500 for using the word “journalist” on his business cards.

CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19

You lie in bed at night staring at the ceiling and wondering if you’re the only person in Australia who has never watched an episode of Neighbours over the past 37 years.

AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18

You then make a New Financial Year’s resolution to watch the final episode on Monday, August 1, but then break that promise immediately after reading a list of Australian actors and actresses who made their starts on the show.

PISCES – February 19 – March 20

You find it hard to believe that out there somewhere in Australia was a man prepared to give Liberal Senator Hollie Hughes any sized pearl necklace, let alone the one she’s often pictured wearing.

ARIES – March 21 – April 19.

You can’t believe your luck when, walking down a darkened alley late at night armed only with a 3.5kg Stuart Surridge cricket bat and as someone whose Brisbane to Sydney flight last week was delayed almost a full day and your checked-in luggage is still missing, you encounter Alan Joyce. You quickly adjust your aim as the first full-blooded swipe with the bat sails harmlessly well over his head.

TAURUS – April 20 – May 20

You will understand completely when Channel 9 Brisbane newsreader Melissa Downes apologises at the start of tonight’s 6pm bulletin by saying that Tim Arvier is off sick and won’t be able to do his regular nightly report about the ongoing stench of systemic corruption within the Queensland government of current Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk.

GEMINI – May 21 – June 20

Despite almost four decades of, to be fair, trouble-free and a largely happy marriage, you file for divorce after your spouse refuses your repeated pleas over many weeks now to stop singing the Liberal Party 2022 campaign song, There’s a Hole in Your Budget, Dear Labor, Dear Labor. There’s a Hole in Your Budget, Dear Labor. A Hole