Catfight erupts over Cook

POLICE ROUNDS:

Police have been called to break up a vicious “cat fight” amongst a group of senior and well-known Liberal Party women outside the party’s state headquarters in Sydney overnight.

The spiteful, snarling, claws-bared fight erupted outside 100 William Street, Woolloomooloo, at about 4.50pm and a number of police were treated for cuts and bruises. Several were reportedly spat on as they tried to break up the fight.

Arrested at the scene were two candidates defeated at the recent federal election, ex-Queensland Senator Amanda Stoker and Victorian ex-MP Gladys Liu who lost her Melbourne seat of Chisholm. The third woman detained was Lady Georgina Downer of the Adelaide Hills. (file photos at top)

All three and several others who escaped arrest had flown in from various parts of the country after hearing rumours that defeated Prime Minister Scott Morrison had earlier that afternoon officially resigned from his relatively safe seat of Cook on Sydney’s southside.

All the women wanted to press their claims for pre-selection for the seat and to argue before NSW Liberal officials of the need for them to be parachuted immediately into the safe electorate to bolster the Opposition’s fight in Parliament against the new Labor government.

A push and shove started amongst the women when Ms Downer started banging on the party HQ’s front doors, shouting “Daddy says the seat’s mine.”

Bystanders claim Ms Liu then pushed the great-great granddaughter of Australia’s most famous colonial landholding and political dynasty to the footpath, shouting it would be a blatant case of racism if she was not awarded the seat.

It was then that ex-Senator Stoker allegedly stepped in with a blood-curdling scream and bared, snarling teeth that would have frightened even Michaelia Cash and scratched both women across their faces, shouting “How am I possibly going to find a job equal in pay and perks to being a senator, given my fairly obvious lack of any real talent, people-skills or empathy.

“I’m the perfect choice for Cook.”

All five women then tried to pull their rivals’ hair – a blue, perfumed wig in Lady Downer’s case – and cruelly squeeze their rivals’ tits and pull their nipples out of their sockets.

Fur literally started to fly as Liu and Stoker scratched away at the beautiful rich, deep purple, Russian sable coat Lady Downer had made her ladies-in-waiting dress her in for her expected anointment.

Dozens of police took some minutes to break apart the cat fight and arrest three of the women.

Two other women broke free and escaped arrest, with eye-witnesses saying one looked very much like what Tim Wilson’s identical twin sister would look like if indeed he had one; the other very much like Trent Zimmerman in drag.