Rudy sees a positive

Rudy Giuliana has decided to turn a negative into a potential positive by taking commercial advantage of the notoriety he has enjoyed in recent days following sworn testimony by several witnesses claiming he was “apparently inebriated” when advising former US President Donald Trump to claim victory on election night 2020 despite losing the race to Joe Biden.

In the wake of criticism of him at Congressional hearings into the Capitol riots in January 2021 Mr Giuliani has begun producing and marketing a new men’s after shave called Rudy’s Apparently Inebriated which is soon to be available in retail outlets across America and available for purchase online. (main picture)

An associate of Mr Giuliana involved in the marketing of the new after shave said there was a personal financial imperative behind its development.

“Rudy has had his licence to practise law suspended as a result of the wild and unsubstantial claims of ballot rigging he submitted to various US courts after the election and which were all thrown out very quickly,” the associate said.

“So he has to make a living somehow and he has never been afraid to do something bold, as his advice to Trump proved.

“That boldness comes through in Rudy’s Apparently Inebriated which has a strong aroma of bourbon and can also be used as a hair dye and tonic.”

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The World Health Organisation plans to change the name of monkey pox to better reflect the seriousness of the contagious condition.

“We’ve found too many people making jokes about the current name, so we think it’s best to give it a new label so more people take it seriously and we can stop its spread,” a WHO spokesperson said.

“That’s why a WHO committee of global health experts will meet soon to decide on a new name which is most likely to be gorilla gonorrhea.”

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Owners of the iconic evening dress worn by Marylin Monroe when she sang Happy Birthday to US President John F Kennedy say they don’t blame celebrity Kim Kardashian for damage sustained by the garment after she wore it to the Met Gala in New York last month.

The Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! company which acquired the dress in 2016 had kept it under special archival temperature-controlled conditions and had never before allowed anyone to wear it.

A spokesperson for the Ripley organisation which operates museums of popular culture around the world said the company acknowledged the lengths to which Ms Kardashian went to ensure the dress would not be damaged.

“We know that Ms Kardashian undertook an extreme weight-loss regime to make sure she could squeeze into the dress,” the spokesperson said, “Yet it still incurred some damage in terms of some stretching of the material and missing crystals around its back zipper.

“To be fair we don’t blame Ms Kardashian for the damage. We blame her lazy do-nothing overpaid over-exposed big fat celebrity arse.”