How dare you call me a where!

Over the years, The Bug‘s Media Glass House had had much fun with print-media mastheads who feel compelled to protect its readers from naughty words.

The work of these in-house censors has meant that shit has often appeared as s… which, when you think about, it is a f…ing good idea. How many young kids today pick up a print-media newspaper? None, probably but that’s not the point.

There’s always the chance they’ll pause the obscenity-laded movie they’re watching on their tablets to browse through … umm …aah… today’s Sun-Herald for example. And should we worry if s—- happens? Of course we should.

And what if, before falling asleep, they had made to Jacqueline Maley’s essay on Page 8 about how awful it is that there are still men in the world who engage in misogynistic locker-room language to talk about former loves-of-their-lives whose guts they now hate.

Here’s a section of her article covering text messages sent between Johnny Depp and his Pommie acting mate Paul Bettany about the Carribbean pirate’s ex-squeeze Amber Heard.

Imagine how that impressionable young thing would have reacted if they had read the whole word instead of just f—? Fuck! Sorry, f—! The f—ing damage that could have been done to that little cherub’s mental and social development.

Unless of course the word was find? Depp would find his ex-wife’s burnt corpse afterwards to make sure she’s dead?

But let’s move onto more serious stuff … sorry, st—.

Twice the paper’s censors have protected sensitive young eyes from a certain, vile, disgusting word that we won’t name but seeing we’re the nation’s No1 family netzine, we’ll simply follow their lead and call it wh-re.

We don’t know who protected us from that dreadful word – it might have even been Jacqueline Maley herself and not the paper’s remaining sub-editor – so from all of us here at the MGH to whomever: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

By the way, the MGH was intrigued by the assumption made by Ms Maley, based on that message exchange between Depp and Bettany and similar cyberspace chat between Craig McLachlan and John Jarrett – both a series of exchanges between probably pissed or drugged-to-the-eyeballs celebrities – that the world is still full of vile, misogynistic, men and you, we and metoo still have a long, long way to go before the women of the world are treated as true equals.

While she’s probably right, the MGH notes that Ms Maley refrains from mentioning that right now, some sauced-up sheilas somewhere in the world are talking rather vividly and explicitly about how they’d like to use rusty pliers to rip the b…s out of blokes who were once their first and only true loves. And slice off their d—-s for good measure.

And they might not even be fillum star celebrities. Just countless women in countless Australian suburbs everywhere reflecting over a chardie or 10 on how their love lives took a dreadfully bad turn after Mr Right turned out to be Mr F—ing Always Right.