Prime Minister Scott Morrison is determined to project a more testosterone-charged, more he-man image to voters as the 2022 campaign enters its last 21 days.
Close aides have told The Bug that the PM has become increasingly concerned with his overall pitch to voters, centred mainly on photo-ops that cement his image as an every-man.
“The boss has reviewed his photo-ops to date and he’s started to think they are not connecting as well as they should with average blokes out there in the electorate who like him for the beer loving, sports-mad bloke-next-door that they could trust to feed their pets and take out and retrieve their bins while they’re on hols and who feel a bit sorry for him because he’s not all that bright.
“This is an important core constituency to the PM – he’s got so few left – and of late he’s been querying the advice of his strategists that photo-ops of him icing cakes, cooking, or even using a mop have been the way to go to get him over the line like they did in 2019.
“‘How many blokes out there know how to ice a fucking cake?'” he told us last night.” Or know what a mop’s for? Or can use a fucking sewing machine!”
The Bug can reveal that the PM’s photo-ops in coming days will include Mr Morrison:
Using his teeth to castrate a lamb on a western NSW property;
Demonstrating he knows the difference between phillips and flat-head screwdrivers;
Cutting some sugar cane on a northern NSW farm by hand, although his minders hope he’ll eventually agree to at least use a knife;
Setting up the charges and then detonating an unexploded grenade on an army firing range in the north Queensland marginal seat of Herbert although Leichhardt would be fine too;
Smearing himself in mullet gut and going ocean swimming off a South Australian beach, as close to the electorate of Boothby as possible; and
Getting really pissed at a bachelor and spinster ball in a marginal Western Australian electorate and fingering a sheila he’s only just met behind the dunnies at the back of the community hall.
The aide added: “And on top of Mr Morrison’s jibe yesterday that he worked much harder than Anthony Albanese while he had COVID-19, the PM wants a televised ‘cock-off’ with the Opposition Leader to show Australian electors who’s got the bigger schlong.
“Naturally enough, that would also include a pissing competition.”