PM in the clear on COVID

The nation’s Chief Medical Officer says there is zero risk of Prime Minister Scott Morrison being infected with the COVID-19 virus after appearing at Thursday night’s leaders’ election debate in Brisbane with the now-isolated Labor leader Anthony Albanese.

“A barrage of scientific tests has previously determined that Mr Morrison is easily the most repellent prime minister Australia has ever had,” Professor Kelly said.

Professor Kelly said the level of Mr Morrison’s repellence was tested as a precautionary measure at the beginning of the COVID pandemic in early 2020.

“The tests showed he is naturally a repellent individual (main picture) and not even a single coronavirus or a bucketful would be strong enough to break through to infect him.

“Admittedly the PM was isolated at The Lodge for a time after supposedly contracting COVID, but that was just him being a marketing genius and needing to lay low for a while when he was under fire for one of his many pandemic fuck-ups,… I mean decisions.

“He also told us at the time that he needed a few days off to practise his ukulele for an upcoming TV interview.

“But his repellence never changes so there is no risk at all of Mr Albanese having unknowingly infected Mr Morrison as they shared the stage at the forum in front of an audience of swinging voters.

“Unfortunately, if any of the virus Mr Albanese was carrying at the time was repelled by Mr Morrison into the audience, then some of those voters – if they are not up to date with their vaccinations or are completely unvaccinated – may well become ill and die.

“But I am sure the PM will understand and will not try to take political advantage of such a situation,” he said.